Episode 2.02 transcript - “UNTOLD AMBITION”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Would not be possible without our generous parishioners.
[MUSIC: A swinging big band song begins to play with horns, piano, and pounding drums.]
We’d like to thank Alison Donley for bringing in a big band to play at Saint Patrick’s! Everyone had a grand time listening to some swinging jazz hits. The biggest surprise of the night was that father ben’s dance moves... are actually quite good!
There are a few folks who declined our shout-out offer, but I just want to say thank you. You know who you all are. Your support on this show helps us make the process of making our show a little bit easier. We sincerely appreciate it.
Become a part of our community over at patreon.com/roguedialogue
[MUSIC: The Forgive Me! theme song plays on church organ. As soon as it ends, a melancholy keyboard melody begins to play.]
[SFX: The screen to the confessional slides open and shut. A woman sighs and sits down.]
STACY: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a couple of years since my last confession.
FR. BEN: Welcome back. What's on your mind today?
STACY: Father, I'm afraid I failed in my role as a contributing member of society. I don't know where, exactly, I lost my way, but the evils I have brought to this world far outweigh the good.
FR. BEN: I understand how hard it can be to live with things in life we view as failings. God made us in His likeness but doesn't expect us to be perfect.
[SFX: The music crescendoes with a long, wavering synth before ending.]
STACY: I hope you're right, Father, and I appreciate the encouragement. I’ve, I've just got to come clean and accept responsibility for the hole I dug.
FR. BEN: What sin specifically brought you here today?
STACY: Motherhood.
FR. BEN: I'll spare you my spiel about the divine virtue of being a mother, as I assume you'll elaborate further for me?
STACY: Virtue is one word for it. Another I'd use is “massive responsibility.”
FR. BEN: Absolutely! It's a challenging and complex task to take upon yourself. What about being a mother has brought you to confession?
STACY: (SIGHING AGAIN, WAVERING) Well, it's just that I failed.
FR. BEN: How do you mean?
STACY: When I had my baby?
[MUSIC: The melancholy melody starts up again.]
STACY: A boy, named Rudy, after his father's favorite movie. Anyway, after he was born, and I got my first good look at his beautiful green eyes, I suddenly realized my impact on the world had just doubled.
FR. BEN: So, how do you feel you failed at helping Rudy navigate the world?
STACY: Oh, Rudy's dealing with the world just fine. It's the world that seems to have suffered greatly from my son.
FR. BEN: Are you trying to tell me that Rudy's birth has had an overall negative impact on the people around him?
STACY: Yes, Father. I raised a shitty man.
FR. BEN: I see.
STACY: I worked so hard, Father. My husband and I turned to each other right after we found out we were having a son and agreed our number one goal was to make sure he'd be a kind and decent person.
FR. BEN: And I take it you haven't seen that in your son recently? How old is he?
STACY: 25 years old last November. And no, it's, it’s, it’s not that, not exactly... There's a sweet kid in there, somewhere. He loves me, and he loves his father, that I know but his... choices on how to earn a decent living have been… well, nothing short of sickening.
FR. BEN: How so?
STACY: (BEGINNING TO CRY) It's just...
FR. BEN: Are you alright?
STACY: (STILL CRYING) I'm sorry. I knew coming here I'd talk about this and I thought it'd be easier on me but... I'm just so ashamed.
FR. BEN: It's alright... if you'd like we can stop now and continue this another time, but we can also stay here as long as you need.
[MUSIC: The melody turns briefly sinister before fading away.]
STACY: (FIGHTING BACK TEARS, RESOLUTE) Oh, to hell with it... he's... Lord, it makes me sick to say this... my Rudy's a HEDGE FUND MANAGER.
FR. BEN: (CONCERNED, THEN CONSOLING) Oh... I see... I'm, I’m so sorry.
STACY: Why are you sorry? It's my own damn fault.
FR. BEN: I speak to a lot of parents who feel very responsible for everything that life throws at their children. But not everything is within your control.
STACY: Maybe not, but I should've seen it coming! Yes, we did everything we could to raise him how we thought was right, brought him here every Sunday, made sure he understood that the world was a diverse place and he had a responsibility to be kind to everyone, no matter who they were, what they believed, or where they came from. I mean, hell, his father even started reading the damn kid Bell Hooks when he was still in diapers.
FR. BEN: It really sounds like you put in profound effort to give him a sound moral footing. What do you think sent him down this path?
STACY: Ugh, I'm ashamed to even say.
FR. BEN: You don't have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable.
STACY: There were a million little things, over a long period of time that, that all should have added up. But the biggest red flag came a few years ago... Do you know who Elon Musk is?
FR. BEN: Of course, the spaceship billionaire.
STACY: Yes! That's the one. Rudy's just idolized him for years now. Calls him a "visionary disruptor."
FR. BEN: I'm not really sure how your son having a famous hero could paint him in such a bad light, but feel free to elaborate for me.
STACY: Oh, you have no idea! It certainly didn't help matters once he shot one of his cars out into space on a rocket. Or when he went on Joe Rogan's podcast and smoked weed. At that point, Rudy went around calling Musk "a true legend."
FR. BEN: I mean, so he's a bit of a tool, but I'm still not seeing the big problem here.
STACY: From that moment on, all bets were off. His future was sealed. He needed to have whatever wealth, power, and access that Elon did, never mind the fact that the man got his real start because of his father's Apartheid-era emerald mine. And not any of the flashy, bullshit reasons you read about in his profiles about how he started small. We could never, ever give Rudy the kind of generational wealth he'd need to become this world's next Musk. And we wouldn't want to, even if we could.
FR. BEN: I speak to a lot of parents who say it’s extremely hard to reckon with the fact that their children cannot be subject to our whims for the entirety of their lives. There comes a time in every person’s life where they must accept that their kids can and will be subject to outside influence, and the only way to stop that would be to keep them in a bubble for the rest of their lives.
STACY: If only I could've done that! But, no, you don't understand. The Elon Musk stuff? Yeah, that may have been the worst of it, but the signs were all there so much earlier than that.
FR. BEN: How do you mean?
STACY: Okay, so, okay… I'll never forget this... When he was in kindergarten, KINDERGARTEN, I’m telling you, his teacher called us in because she was very impressed with our son. Apparently, during recess, he'd created an imaginary store selling rocks and twigs and things for other items.
FR. BEN: I have to be honest that sounds like a sweet story. You can't honestly blame that for turning him into the man he is today, can you?
STACY: I should've seen it though. It was there. His teacher even said it. He had a real entrepreneurial spirit. I can't believe I just sat there, smiling like an idiot at that cursed compliment.
FR. BEN: I still think it seems like a creative boy playing store. I think you're being too hard on yourself.
[SFX: Over this conversation, we first hear the sound of a pitcher of lemonade pouring, then a crowd of people at a yard sale, then a heavy knock at a door, and finally, a lawnmower starting up.]
STACY: (INTERRUPTING) THERE WAS A DOMINO EFFECT. That pretend store? It eventually turned into a real lemonade stand, then a yard sale, then a door-to-door candy bar racket, then, when he was old enough to properly operate machinery, lawn mowing for the neighbors.
FR. BEN: And you think you should have dissuaded him from wanting to do those things?
STACY: Maybe not that stuff, but definitely the Collective.
[MUSIC: Bouncy, intense music begins on a combination of keyboards and strings.]
FR. BEN: The what now?
STACY: After his first year of lawn mowing, he was really raking it in. And a lot of the other families in town seemed ready to pawn off the yard work, too. So, he gathered up all his friends, a bunch of dopey twelve-year-olds, and started hiring them to do the work for him. He'd pass out flyers around town with our home phone number on it, and he'd manage this big calendar. The families? They'd pay him, and then he'd pay his friends, taking a small percentage of the cut. The kid made more money that summer than he'd ever seen before, and he wasn't even the one out doing the work anymore.
FR. BEN: I know it seems concerning to you, but honestly, I'm impressed. You don't think you should have encouraged this behavior in him?
[MUSIC: Additional instrumentation is folded in, increasing the intensity of the music.]
STACY: I don't know, Father. I at least should've been smart enough to see who he was becoming. Between his untold ambition and the math.
FR. BEN: The math?
STACY: Yes, the dreaded math. THAT'S when I should've seen the writing on the wall. He was in eighth grade at this point. I'd just gotten home after a shift at the hospital, was sitting down to eat with my husband, and do you know what my beloved son says to me?
FR. BEN: What?
STACY: My teacher says I should sign up for the Mathletes.
[MUSIC: After a final discordant crescendo, the composition fades.]
FR. BEN: And this upset you?
STACY: I thought I was raising this sweet, quiet boy, with a bright mind and some weirdly specific passions. Meanwhile, the truth was, I was planting seeds that would grow into the kind of vines that choke everything else in the garden until there's nothing left alive!
FR. BEN: (CONFUSED) I take it Rudy was a successful Mathlete.
STACY: He was BEYOND successful. By the end of eighth grade, he was competing with twelfth graders and wiping the floor with them. I'll give myself credit in that I tried to get him to slow down a bit, hang out with children his own age, maybe get into art, or music, or charity, or anything else, but no. He was just so happy that I let him keep going. His favorite Christmas gift that year was a calculator. A CALCULATOR for Chrissakes.
FR. BEN: Which you now think was... wrong?
STACY: Yes. I do. Pretty soon little Rudy is helping his father and I with our taxes, looking over our finances, and, and, and trying to find different ways we can better manage our Roth IRA's, all for fun! While he's in high school. And on top of all this, by the time he was ready to graduate, he'd turned his lawn mowing collective into an actual business that he was able to sell to a local landscaping contractor to pay for his first semester's tuition... TO DUKE UNIVERSITY.
FR. BEN: (MARVELING A BIT) That's an ambitious kid.
STACY: See! How was I so blind to what I'd created? My child was a business-obsessed math whiz with an uncompromising goal who would rather hang out talking about house finances with his stuffy Gen X parents than playing with other kids his age. And then college...
FR. BEN: What happened at college?
STACY: Hell if I know. I just remember him showing up home after his first semester away in a god damned Tesla Model X.
FR. BEN: And I assume that you didn't buy him it for him.
STACY: Well, I'm a nurse and his father is a social worker, so unless Model X is this hip new zoomer code for 2001 Honda Civic, I think it's probably out of our price range.
FR. BEN: So, how did he get the car?
[MUSIC: A far of set of string instruments begin to play, menacingly.]
STACY: That was my first question too. He turns to me and says coolly that he "made some great investments this quarter." I tried to ask him some follow-up questions like "how?" and "with what money?" But the only answer I ever got from him, which has been his refrain for these last few years has been "you wouldn't understand."
FR. BEN: That couldn't have been easy to hear from him.
[MUSIC: Keyboards are folded in with the strings, as the song begins to swell, both hopeful and disconcerting.]
STACY: Not at all. I was in shock! It was that day I started replaying these warning signs over in my head, thinking about how I could've prevented this money-motivated monster from being born. It's been years now just living out those moments...
FR. BEN: So why now?
STACY: What do you mean?
FR. BEN: You said you've been replaying those moments for years... Why come to confession today?
STACY: It all culminated this morning at breakfast. As I already mentioned, he's been working in finance these past few years, which really was hard for us, ethically speaking, but we were able to at least hold out hope that there were ends that might eventually justify the means for him, and he'd do something good with his life. But then today... we got the call.
FR. BEN: What did he say?
STACY: He calls us and he says, "Mom, dad, I can't believe I get to tell you this, but you're never gonna have to work again! You can finally retire, and do whatever it is you want with the rest of your lives!" And then he sends us a picture of his new logo "RUDY CAPITAL." And I tell you, I almost threw up my Lucky Charms right on his father's face.
FR. BEN: I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
STACY: It gets worse... his hedge fund... specializes... in Pharmaceuticals.
FR. BEN: Oh no...
STACY: I know. It's beyond me how he could so abuse the system to build his fortune. I suppose Mr. Elon Musk was exactly the kind of flashy influence he needed to accomplish his goals. However distasteful those goals are.
[MUSIC: The intense song fades away.]
FR. BEN: So...
STACY: What?
FR. BEN: If you're open to it I'd like to take a step back here.
STACY: And do what?
FR. BEN: I'd like to talk you through what I heard you say, just to make sure I have the confession straight.
STACY: Alright.
FR. BEN: You had a son.
STACY: (SARCASTIC) Wow, you really were listening.
FR. BEN: Very funny.
(BEAT)
You had a son, who then showed some interest in entrepreneurship and also mathematics.
STACY: Yes...
FR. BEN: And you encouraged your son, who by your own accounts was a nice quiet child, to pursue things that excited him and made him happy.
STACY: Unfortunately, yes.
FR. BEN: To me? You sound like a great mother.
STACY: Oh, come on!
FR. BEN: I'm sorry, but this is a confession, and I think it's as much my duty to facilitate absolving sins as it is to help people realize when they haven't sinned in the first place.
STACY: Give me a break here. I know I'm beating myself up a bit, but you must realize how evil his career is. Can't you at least performatively fire and brimstone me for pushing him into it?
FR. BEN: You've got the wrong guy for that kind of thing. Honestly, it seems to me like your son just followed his passions to their inevitable conclusions. And try as we might, we can't control what those passions are. Heck, I'm a priest and my brother Alex plays bass in a black metal band called Satan's Gooch.
STACY: Seriously?
FR. BEN: Dead serious. We grew up with the exact same mom and dad, same house, same school, same lives, and ended up going down fairly opposite paths.
STACY: I see what you're trying to say here but I'm his mom, so there's at least some responsibility from my end here.
FR. BEN: I can't pretend to know every moment from Rudy's childhood, but from what you've described, you absolutely wanted the best for him. And frankly, despite his undeniably disturbing career path, it's clear even from what you've said, he did it for something he learned from you.
STACY: I'm afraid of whatever you're about to say...
FR. BEN: Love.
STACY: Love? Who on earth invests in pharmaceuticals, for love?
FR. BEN: Your son did. For his love of math and finances and, I think, for his desire to do right by you like you did right by him.
STACY: See but this is what I'm most guilty about! He's said, on more than one occasion, that he got into this career path for his father and me. We proudly worked our jobs so he could have a good future, and he went and did all this as some kind of way to make up for us not becoming wealthy? Like, we'd somehow failed ourselves by prioritizing serving our community over our personal wealth? It's just disturbing.
FR. BEN: And did you talk to him about those beliefs when he told you about Rudy Capital?
STACY: What? No. I, I, I mean, with that conversation we just said we were proud and hung up the phone.
FR. BEN: (PROUD) I've got it.
STACY: What?
FR. BEN: I know what your confession is.
STACY: Care to enlighten me?
FR. BEN: It seems to me you've spent a lot of time concerned about who your son was becoming, has become, versus who you'd hoped he would be.
STACY: I'd definitely argue that that's exactly why I'm sitting here, yes.
FR. BEN: Of course, but I think the issue, at least from where I'm sitting, is that you aren't necessarily sharing with your son what you value.
STACY: I don't think that's fair.
FR. BEN: I'm not saying you didn't when he was a child. It's abundantly clear to me that you and your husband worked to provide him a good upbringing. I'm talking about now that he's on his own.
STACY: I don't think I follow.
FR. BEN: All I'm saying is there's still time for you to share with him what you think about life for you. Don't make it about what you hope or expect for him. For better or worse he's his own person at this point, and it seems like you genuinely did what you could.
STACY: I guess.
FR. BEN: Do you and your husband want to retire?
STACY: Of course, we do eventually. We just didn't expect to be able to do so so soon...
FR. BEN: You don't have to take him up on this offer just because he's offering.
STACY: Oh, I couldn't break his heart like that.
FR. BEN: But it seems to me like you put a lot of stock in your career and in the way you're contributing to society. A way that's completely divorced from the amount of money you earn and instead focuses on the services you can do for your community. And if you still see value in your ability to offer that contribution, how could it break his heart for you to tell him that?
STACY: I guess that is better than me telling him I don't want any part of his blood money.
FR. BEN: (CHUCKLING) I'd say it'd probably cause a whole lot less heartburn, yes.
(BEAT)
Tell me something. Do you still love your son?
[MUSIC: A hopeful, slow version of the Forgive Me theme song creeps in with keyboards and drums.]
STACY: Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything he could do in the world that would change that fact. Even if I do think he kind of sucks.
FR. BEN: I figured as much. Just continue to be there for him and share more of who you are. I think that's all you can do at this point.
(BEAT)
Who knows? Maybe if you let him pay your credit card bills, you might be able to push him toward philanthropy instead?
STACY: And how on earth would I do that?
FR. BEN: By speaking to him, clearly and directly, about your beliefs. About how much better it would be if he'd take some of that money he planned to give you and help out people who are in greater need of it instead.
STACY: (DEEP SIGH) I suppose that's a better thing for me to do than just give up.
FR. BEN: It certainly is.
STACY: Man, Father, you really had to rain on my pity party, didn't you?
[MUSIC: The song briefly pauses.]
FR. BEN: (LAUGHING) Unfortunately, I've been told I'm notorious for being a pretty bad hang at parties.
(BEAT)
Shall we say the act of contrition?
STACY: Sure.
[MUSIC: The song begins again as the credits officially begin to roll.]
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. This episode was written and directed by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda.
Here’s our cast:
Sena Bryer Stacy
Casey Callaghan Father Ben
Script editing by Jordan Stillman.
Dialogue Editing by Bob Raymonda.
Sound design, score, and mixing by me, Adam Raymonda.
All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.
Find out about we’re up to by following @forgivemeshow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
Did you like the show? If you did - go follow it on your favorite podcast player. If you REALLY enjoyed it rate and review it on Podchaser or Apple Podcasts.
This podcast is made possible by our supporters on Patreon. By becoming a patron you can get access to an ad-free feed, director’s notes for each episode, music from the show, and more! Become a patron over at patreon.com/roguedialogue.
No matter what, thanks for listening. We’ll be back in a few weeks with episode three!
BYE!