Episode transcript - “The OTHER RABBIT”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Would not be possible without our generous parishioners.
[SFX: The sound of crickets plays, eventually there’s the sound of cheering children, and a meowing cat, before all of it fades.]
ADAM: We’d love to thank Ryan Kirby for organizing a night of astronomy-themed dungeons and dragons for our youth group! We were skeptical when you told us your cat, Allison, would be the dungeon master, but the kids all had a great time!
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[SFX: The sound of the confessional curtain as it opens and closes.]
[MUSIC: Contemplative and lilting music plays on a piano, finger snapped percussion and guitar.]
RAVEN: (deep sigh) Hey Pops. Can I call you pops?
FR. BEN: Uh… I’d usually prefer Father Ben, but I suppose whatever makes you the most comfortable works for me.
RAVEN: Well, I messed up, Pops. I messed up good.
FR. BEN: How long has it been since your last confession?
RAVEN: This is sorta my first one. You see, I’m not really Catholic.
[MUSIC: The song stops briefly for a moment, before starting up again with more layers. Accordion, additional percussion, etc.]
RAVEN: But, it’s still okay that I came, right?
FR. BEN: Of course it is, I’m always happy to do my best to offer guidance to whoever’s seeking it.
RAVEN: That’s what my pal Jeremy said. Said you really helped him out of a funk. So I thought I’d maybe come and try it out. See if you can’t do the same thing for me.
FR. BEN: Jeremy’s a wonderful young man and I’d be pleased to help any friend of his. So, tell me… how exactly did you mess up?
[MUSIC: The song ends with one droning chord from a spacey-sounding guitar.]
RAVEN: The thing is, Pops… to understand that, there are a whole bunch of other things you’ve gotta understand about me first.
FR. BEN: (sigh) There always are…
RAVEN: Say that again?
FR. BEN: Nothing, please continue.
RAVEN: This is my junior year, and so I’m already starting to think about applying to colleges next year.
FR. BEN: It’s a good plan to be looking toward your future at your age.
RAVEN: That’s the thing though… for most of my school career, I’ve just kinda drifted. I mean, my grades are okay, nothing to write home about. But my extracurriculars are for shit—oops, uh, I, wait, I’m sorry. Is it okay if I swear in here?
FR. BEN: I’d prefer it if you didn’t.
RAVEN: (ignoring him) You see, from the time I was a little girl, I’ve been a pretty terrible athlete. My dad always jokes that I have two left feet, which drives my mom nuts because she was all-state in both track and field hockey at my age. But me? I’m more of an indoor kid. Never mind the hell that my seasonal allergies put me through, I always just… found more to do in there? Like, sure riding bikes and climbing trees can be fun for a little while, but eventually, it all kinda boring.
FR. BEN: There’s nothing wrong with not living up to your parents’ expectations of you.
RAVEN: Don’t get me wrong, I have a great home life! My mom and dad are super supportive of me finding my own interests and passions and stuff. I love to read and draw and watch anime. Sometimes I even write poetry, though I’d probably die if anybody actually ever read it.
FR. BEN: It sounds like you’ve discovered a way to live a very fruitful life.
RAVEN: Sure I have, but none of it is the kinda stuff that. it would look good on an application.
FR. BEN: You’d be surprised! I had several childhood friends who used their personal projects in order to get into college. Some of them are even artists to this day.
RAVEN: That’s all well and good if you have a mom and dad who can afford to pay for that kind of thing. Mom always says: it’s great to have hobbies, but doodling won’t ever put dinner on the table.
FR. BEN: Well, that’s just not true! I don’t mean to speak ill of your mother here, because I understand the desire to set your children on a steady path. But art and art-making can absolutely pay the bills. It’s a harder path to follow than many others, sure, but what thing that’s worth doing isn’t?
RAVEN: Heh. I mean, I know that. But she doesn’t. Which brings me to my first mistake.
[MUSIC: The lilting percussion begins again, but now with a more driving, riffy guitar that sounds western almost.]
FR. BEN: And what was that?
RAVEN: Well, I found this creative writing program that I’m really interested in, but it’s at SUNY Hamilton, which, if I told my parents the cost of tuition there, they’d laugh me straight out of the house. But the crazy thing is that they have a full ride for their school mascot program!
FR. BEN: I’m sorry, but that doesn’t sound real.
[MUSIC: The song turns, becomes minor for a moment, before driving further still.]
RAVEN: I didn’t think so either! But it’s real as you or me. You should see the list of mascots that got their start there: Benny the Bull, the Phillie Phanatic, Stealy McBeam, and all three of the people who’ve had the privilege of being Gritty each spent time as the Hamilton Hamhock. It’s way more cutthroat than you’d ever expect.
FR. BEN: I stand corrected!
RAVEN: And it just so happened that the bunny that cheers our teams on during all the big games had broken his femur and would be out of commission for the whole season.
[MUSIC: The song crescendoes as the guitar and drums pulse forward before ending.]
FR. BEN: Your school mascot is a bunny? That doesn’t sound very intimidating.
RAVEN: Oh, no, we aren’t the Bunnies. We’re the Magicians.
FR. BEN: But you just said—
RAVEN: Yep, I know what I said. The logo on all our uniforms is a rabbit jumping out of a hat, but I don’t think the school could afford to have a custom costume made in its likeness, so they use an old Easter Bunny, with a vest and a bow tie instead.
FR. BEN: Well now I'm just lost.
RAVEN: Don’t try to make it make sense.
FR. BEN: Duly noted. So why was signing up to be your school’s new mascot a mistake?
RAVEN: It’s just… I’ve never been able to make a big splash among my classmates, you know? Like, sure, I’ve got buds and all, but nobody’s into the same stuff as I am and without chorus or band or drama or sports, I’ve kinda slipped through the cracks socially speaking. I thought this might be the perfect opportunity for me, not only to get that scholarship but to give the other kids something to remember me by.
FR. BEN: That seems like a fun and energetic way to put yourself out there!
RAVEN: Which, if you knew me, really knew me, you’d understand how difficult that was gonna be. There’s a reason all my teachers call me Wallflower. So the idea of going out there in front of so many people was, frankly, terrifying. But I justified the whole situation by reminding myself that I’d be able to hide my face behind that giant bunny head.
FR. BEN: I can empathize with that.
RAVEN: Uhh, isn’t your whole job like… getting up in front of people and talking to them?
FR. BEN: (chuckling) That’s one way of looking at it, but there are a lot of parts of my job that are far more solitary… like this one. And while I may seem comfortable up on the pulpit right now, I definitely wasn’t always.
RAVEN: (ignoring him) Anyway, I’ve never worked so hard on anything in my life, as I did on that audition. I spent hours a night dancing in front of my bedroom mirror and watching Mascot videos on Youtube before football season, which, in retrospect, is pretty funny because Coach Whitton is a total pushover and was clearly going to give the job to anyone who asked. And that’s where my problems really started.
FR. BEN: Oh yeah? Did the stage fright get the better of you?
RAVEN: Hah! Oh, I wish that was all I had to worry about. Oh no, no, no, nooo: it wasn’t the stage fright, it was Mitchell Young.
[MUSIC: Shimmering, weird-sounding guitar chords play underneath Mitchell’s name for a moment before petering out.]
FR. BEN: (knowing) Mitchell Young? The kid that works over at Burger Bros?
RAVEN: Yeah! Wait, I didn’t know he came here.
FR. BEN: Uh, well, he doesn’t, but I’m a big fan of their Fishbro sandwich, and he’s usually there when I swing by for dinner.
RAVEN: Eugh, yeah, he always does smell like a grease ball. I doubt he ever even showers.
FR. BEN: So what happened with Mitchell?
RAVEN: The asshole also tried out to be the Magician!
FR. BEN: (chuckling) I can’t say I’d have ever imagined that for him.
RAVEN: Well imagine it, because he did. And Coach? He’s such a sweetheart, he couldn’t decide between the two of us. So we worked out a system: Mitchell’d be in the rabbit during home games, and I’d travel with the team on the bus for all the away ones.
FR. BEN: I see. I imagine you felt that would impact your chance at the Hamhock Scholarship?
[MUSIC: Driving, staccato strings begin to play, as the shimmering weird guitar pulses alongside it, and eventually, percussion, bass, and keys add in as Raven performs, before stopping.]
RAVEN: That wasn’t even it! I mean, it may have, but at that point in time? It wasn’t even on my mind. I just got… sick of sharing the limelight. You’d never guess, but the power I felt once I got that giant head on? My big ears flapping in the wind, under those stadium floodlights, as I popped and locked for everyone in the bleachers? It was intoxicating! The people loved me, and I loved that they loved me. It was almost like I was having my first ever religious experience.
FR. BEN: God certainly likes to show himself in some funny ways.
RAVEN: So, for a little while, I lied to myself and said that sharing Magician duties would be enough. First of all, as long as I could get the scout from Hamilton to see me at one of our away games, I could still have that in the bag. Plus, sports are all our town has, so even though I’d be performing at other schools, we still had a ton of people cheering us on.
FR. BEN: I don’t understand where the problem was then.
RAVEN: (with venom) Mitchell.
[MUSIC: We get one doomy-sounding guitar chord.]
FR. BEN: What about him?
[SFX: The sound of a locker opening and Raven putting it on.]
RAVEN: I mean, the kid’s a total burnout, so whenever it’s my turn in the costume I feel like I get a contact high just from putting the head on.
RAVEN: (flashback) Eugh, ewww!
[SFX: Raven shudders, disgusted.]
RAVEN: It reeks of reefer, and look, I’m no narc, but it throws me off, and I can’t have that.
FR. BEN: I could imagine why that might create less than ideal circumstances for someone like you.
[SFX: We hear the sound of practice in the background as Raven practices her routine, and Mitchell chuckles at her.]
RAVEN: But the real kicker is that he’s always teasing me at practice, because of how much effort I put into my routine. He laughs and says,
MITCHELL: That’s not how you connect with people in the suit. All you’ve gotta do is go out there and do whatever feels natural in the moment. People can tell when you’re just going through the motions like that.
RAVEN: (flashback, mocking him) People can tell when you’re just going through the motions like that. Pft, screw you Mitchell!
FR. BEN: Are you sure he doesn’t have a crush on you? Boys your age can often be… less than graceful when attempting to communicate their interest.
RAVEN: Ew, no! He absolutely does not. And even if he did, could you imagine what that relationship would look like? I have to get out my inhaler when he’s even ten feet away from me, let alone sitting on a couch or going to a dance together!
FR. BEN: I mean, the kid’s got his faults, but aren’t you being a little harsh?
[MUSIC: During the next section, driving, synthy, angelic chords play as Raven describes Mitchell.]
RAVEN: (softening) Okay, so maybe he’s got that kind of floppy, effortless hair that you only ever see on cartoon characters, and maybe his big, brown eyes are the kind you can get lost in. And he’s complicated too, like, he’d happily help your grandmother cross a busy street, but he’ll be deep in thought about the tragic pursuit of ethical consumption under capitalism while doing it. You know what I mean?
FR. BEN: (knowing) I think I do.
RAVEN: But none of that matters! Don’t you see? I can’t like him! He’s my freaking nemesis!
FR. BEN: You said Coach Whitton helped you two work out a solid compromise.
RAVEN: Oh, sure, maybe at first. But on top of all the head games and the incessant weed smell, everything else started to go wrong too.
FR. BEN: What happened?
RAVEN: I was at my grandma’s house playing manhunt with my cousins and I broke my ankle. So I had to sit out the rest of the season, which meant I could never have the scout from Hamilton see my routine.
FR. BEN: Oh my goodness! Could you possibly reschedule?
RAVEN: (defeated) Nope. The deadline has already passed.
FR. BEN: I’m so sorry to hear that. Maybe you’ll get another shot next year? You did say you’re only a junior, right?
RAVEN: (seething) I haven’t even told you the worst part yet.
FR. BEN: Go on.
[MUSIC: The staccato strings return, minor, and eventually a slowly picked guitar joins.]
RAVEN: Well, I was feeling really down on myself about the whole situation, and my Dad could tell. But I never told him about the scholarship, so he thought I was just missing the suit, and surprised me with a trip to a home game. Like seeing Mitchell steal my glory could somehow cheer me up and un-fuck my life.
FR. BEN: While that does sound a bit misguided on your dad’s part, you can’t blame him for trying.
RAVEN: Of course, I can’t! That’s not why I’m so mad! The problem wasn’t that Mitchell was out there, on his way toward get everything I ever dreamed of without even realizing it, it was that he was good.
[MUSIC: Booming drums are added in to the strings and guitar, as the song gets heavier.]
FR. BEN: And that was a problem because?
[SFX: We hear the sound of a cheering crowd and Mitchell running out onto the field, dancing.]
RAVEN: Because it made me understand that I could never capture the hearts and minds of the crowd like he does. This boy? In the middle of halftime? He was krumping. He was doing the robot. After one particularly impressive touchdown by Jason Valdez, he even ran out onto the endzone and did the worm! Without losing a single piece of the rabbit or getting a measly little grass stain! For some reason, this burnout was now at the center of all the love and attention I’d ever wanted. And I had to just sit there with my dopey, well-meaning dad, and smile through it.
[SFX: The sound design fades into the background and almost sounds underwater.]
FR. BEN: Just because Mitchell has a talent for crowd work, doesn’t mean you’re not as equally good as what you do.
[SFX: Clarity slowly returns as we hear people cheering, a mother crying, and a driving marching band play.]
RAVEN: But that’s where you’re wrong, Pops. It absolutely does. I was getting a birds-eye view of the work he was doing for the very first time, and feeling every single ounce of adoration he received. People were laughing. Kids were making Tik Toks mimicking his routine from the stands. One mom was even crying, and she didn’t even know him! She was only in town to see her nephew, Randy, who played tuba!
[MUSIC: The marching band plays for a quick moment before coming to a crescendo and stopping.]
FR. BEN: I understand how earth-shattering it can feel, to have so many things in your life all go wrong at once. But can you see how, by obsessing over Mitchell’s apparent success and your presumed failure, you’re only hurting yourself?
RAVEN: Maybe there’s a healthier way for me to cope, but what do you expect? I’m a sixteen-year-old. When have calm, rational reactions to disappointment ever been our M.O.?
FR. BEN: You have a point ther.
RAVEN: Besides, what good would emotional maturity have done me when there was so much revenge to be had instead?
FR. BEN: (concerned) Revenge?
[MUSIC: Nefarious sounding bass, keyboards, and percussion begin to play, playful and threatening in the same second.]
RAVEN: Revenge. You see, Pops, what I took with me after that fateful game was a mortal enemy. And, I spend all my time watching tv shows about mustache-twirling villains. I knew that to successfully shatter your opponent’s perception of reality, one must be willing to play the long game.
FR. BEN: I’m not quite sure I like where this is going.
RAVEN: By the time I set my plan in motion, football season was over. The rabbit came out during the occasional basketball game through the winter, but after my injury, the gig exclusively went to Mitchell. Even after I healed, the adults gave up any pretense: he was clearly the better bunny, and it was high time I accepted it.
FR. BEN: They never gave you any choice in the matter? That seems unnecessarily cruel.
[MUSIC: More rudiments are added into the drum fills as the song slows for a moment, before becoming driving again.]
RAVEN: It was. And so I spent months waiting. Watching Mitchell receive all the glory that we used to share. Formulating the perfect way to take him down, once and for all.
FR. BEN: I take it that this is where you finally messed up?
[MUSIC: The song slowly starts to dissolve, instruments fading into the background as sustained piano chords ring out.]
RAVEN: (distant) It is. But not immediately. You see, at this point in time, Mitchell considered me one of his best friends.
FR. BEN: He did, did he?
RAVEN: Yes, after my injury, he took to carrying my books to class for me. He even kept it up after I got the boot off and didn’t need to use crutches anymore.
FR. BEN: Are you positive this boy doesn’t have a crush on you?
RAVEN: No, that’s not the sign of a crush, Pops. That’s the sign of pity, and I couldn’t have that. Not for a single minute.
FR. BEN: Whatever you say.
RAVEN: So, even though most of the bunny’s primary duties were over by the spring, there was one event left on the calendar, and it was a big one. The elementary school has their field days around Easter, and do a big Egg Hunt for the whole student body at recess. And one lucky high school student gets to skip class for the day in order to help them put it on: the Magician.
FR. BEN: Oh.
RAVEN: For a while, I thought this might be my last chance to get that scholarship. Sure, the talent scout wouldn’t come to a random field day, but maybe I could use the experience as good application essay fodder for a different scholarship, instead?
FR. BEN: That’s a wonderful idea!
RAVEN: It would’ve been! But then Principal O’Donnell and Coach Whitton gave Mitchell the gig.
FR. BEN: I see.
RAVEN: And he was so happy about it. I figured it was just because he was such a burnout that he’d love getting out of school for the day. But no, somehow, this idiot even loves children! He was so excited, he spent days sketching out a map for hiding eggs.
FR. BEN: That’s so sweet.
RAVEN: Maybe… but it was also the perfect tool for me to use to get back at him. The day before, I offered to help him hide all the candy-stuffed plastic eggs he and his mom packed for the hunt. And after we had placed them all along the route of his perfect little map, when he was driving me home, I stole it right out of his backpack.
FR. BEN: What did you do to that poor boy?
[MUSIC: Dark and foreboding strings begin to play.]
RAVEN: (evil laugh) Do you know how bad hardboiled eggs smell after they’ve been left outside for a while, Pops?
FR. BEN: Unfortunately, I do.
RAVEN: So do I. Which is why, two weeks earlier, I boiled, dyed, and stashed five dozen out behind my family’s shed. It was perfect. All I had to do was borrow one of my mom’s caving headlamps, and replace all of Mitchell’s eggs in the cover of night.
[MUSIC: The song continues to swell as they discuss Raven’s evil plan.]
FR. BEN: That seems like a whole lot of effort to undertake all by yourself. You didn’t have any help at all?
RAVEN: No, I couldn’t! It’d have ruined my revenge if I had to share it with anyone else.
[MUSIC: The song ends, but one sustained chord continues to play.]
FR. BEN: I see…
[SFX: Raven enters the school and crosses to her desk, mumbling to herself.]
RAVEN: The next morning, I was exhausted. It’d taken so many hours that I barely slept, but I still needed to go to school so I could watch Mitchell’s world burn. Hopped up on three five-hour energies, I sat in homeroom feeling giddier than I had all year. But then Mitchell had to go and ruin that too.
RAVEN: (in flashback) C’mon, where is he?
FR. BEN: And how’d he do that?
RAVEN: He came up to me in homeroom and said:
MITCHELL: Hey, uh, I wanted to come and thank you so much for helping me with the egg hunt yesterday. I know how much being the Magician means to you, and I think it’s so selfless that you set aside our differences in order to help me give these kids the best day possible. I kept almost calling last night and ask this, but I decided I wanted to do it face to face… would you wanna maybe go to the movies with me after school?
FR. BEN: I knew it!
[SFX: We hear the sound of other classmates behind them, mumbling as the moment swells out.]
RAVEN: So you did. I didn’t know what to say. I was totally speechless, as my feelings of overwhelming excitement morphed from glee into an endless pit of despair. He looked at me kinda funny, like, nervous I was about to break his heart and said,
MITCHELL: (clears his throat) Nevermind, nevermind, that was stupid, that was stupid. Can we, can we, can we just forget I said all that?
RAVEN: And as he walked away, I did something I never would’ve expected in a million years. I called after him and said,
RAVEN: (in flashback) Hey, wait, Mitchell!
MITCHELL: Yeah?
RAVEN: I’d love to!
[SFX: The background sounds melts away into weird distortion.]
RAVEN: … and then all I could do was stand there, feeling this strange mix or terror and excitement over whatever the future would bring. Watching Mitchell give me the biggest smile in the world before putting on the Magician’s head and running straight into my trap.
FR. BEN: What happened next?
[MUSIC: Evil, western-sounding guitar strums play occasionally during the description of the Egg hunt.]
RAVEN: It all went perfectly… too perfectly. I wasn’t there, but I heard my mom’s friend telling her about it on the phone that night. When Mitchell showed up, everything was okay at first. The kids loved taking their pictures with him, but once they all had their colorful baskets and the hunt started, all hell broke loose. All these kids, who’d been full of so much anticipation moments before, kept coming back with basket after basket of rotten eggs. Crying for their teachers, asking why the Magician would give them such disgusting presents, instead of candy like their big brothers or sisters got the year before? One even threw up.
FR. BEN: How did Mitchell handle the situation?
RAVEN: He was just so, so hurt. And confused. He immediately got put right back on the bus and sent to our principal’s office. Not only was he suspended for, “This exceedingly cruel stunt,” as they called it, but also he was banned from ever putting on the costume again.
FR. BEN: My gosh, this kid can’t catch a break, can he?
RAVEN: Oh, that wasn’t even the worst part. He called me later that night to apologize for not being able to take me to the movies like we planned, and… he started to cry. He was so confused about who would do this, not only to him, but to those poor kids. The kids that he’d worked so hard to give a special day.
FR. BEN: Did you come clean?
RAVEN: No! Of course, I didn’t! Are you kidding me? Everything had gone off without a hitch, and the next day, I’d be able to claim the Magician as mine once again.
FR. BEN: Not even when he bared his heart and soul to you? How did that make you feel?
RAVEN: … Conflicted. It was everything I’d been planning for, for months, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake this feeling of guilt. Like somehow it was all my fault.
FR. BEN: I mean, forgive me for being blunt here, but it was your fault. Wasn’t it?
RAVEN: (sigh) Maybe! But could you blame me? Here was this total burnout loser who came into my house and stole my dream job right out from under me.
FR. BEN: You throw a lot of judgment in Mitchell’s direction, but you don’t stop for a second to consider your whole place in this entire story.
RAVEN: Sure, I do! I’m here, aren’t I?
[MUSIC: Contemplative, heartfelt music begins to play on piano, clean electric guitar, and eventually a pulsing drum beat.]
FR. BEN: I hate to say it, but I think you’re here for the wrong reasons. I think you’re here because you’re realizing that you got a little too caught up in the idea that this boy had wronged you in some very intrinsic way. And, because you like to live in your imagination, you dreamt up a very elaborate way to get back what you saw as yours. Only now, you’re starting to understand the fact that Mitchell isn’t just some burnout, no matter how many times you say it. He’s a sweet boy with hopes and dreams and desires of his own. And, frankly, he likes you. And I think you like him too.
RAVEN: Fiiiiiine. Maybe you’re right. What do I do to fix it?
FR. BEN: You tell him the truth. But not just him. You tell your principal too.
RAVEN: And how on earth would that do anything but make everyone in school hate me?
FR. BEN: You don’t know. They might. But you’ll also be protecting a sweet kid from a cruel fate that you orchestrated for him.
[MUSIC: The drums disappear but we get a few final chords on the guitar and piano before it all fades away.]
RAVEN: (deep groan) I know you’re right, buuuut I’m not gonna do that.
FR. BEN: And why not?
RAVEN: Because once he’s un-grounded, we’re going to the movies! I’ll just buy him an extra box of snow caps or something. He’ll be fine.
FR. BEN: I don’t know if that’ll really be enough to absolve you from—
RAVEN: Thanks, Pops! I feel so much better now that I’ve gotten that all off my chest!
[SFX: Before Ben can say another word, Raven gets up and runs out of the booth.]
FR. BEN: Are you— Did she just— Alright, Happy Easter!
[MUSIC: The end credits music starts to play.]
Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. This episode was written and directed by Bob Raymonda and Jack Marone.
Here’s our cast in order of appearance:
Casey Callaghan Father Ben
Jordan Cobb Raven
Sawyer Greene Mitchell
Dialogue Editing by Bob Raymonda.
Sound design, score, and mixing by me Adam Raymonda.
All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.
Find out about we’re up to by following @forgivemeshow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
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Thank you so much for listening to our silly little Easter special. If you celebrate, enjoy the time. For the rest of you, enjoy your #AudioDramaSunday, or whatever day you’re listening to this. We love you, thanks. so much, bye bye!
[MUSIC: The credits music comes to a crescendo as Adam sings, “Ohh won’t you forgive me?”]