Episode 2.01 transcript - “one sided conversations”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Would not be possible without our generous parishioners.
[SFX: The sound of a van driving begins to play.]
We’d love to thank Jason Crane for running a “how to live out of your van” workshop at St. Patrick’s. Hearing about the 20,000 miles you’ve traveled was so interesting! We’re not sure how many of the attendees will USE the skills you taught considering most have never left a 20-mile radius of our little town, BUT we loved it nonetheless.
[SFX: The sound of the van disappears and is replaced by that of crackling electricity.]
We’d love to thank Edward for fixing the St. Patrick wi-fi last week! We know you normally work with supercomputers and this may actually be below you, but Sister Catherine was yelling at me about not being able to quote-unquote “attend to the church’s administrative duties” even though we all know she’s ACTUALLY spending her time on the dark web! Either way, we really appreciate it!
Become a part of our community over at patreon.com/roguedialogue
[MUSIC: The Forgive Me theme song plays, a few sad notes on a church organ.]
[SFX: Sliding doors open and we hear the sound of an old jazz record playing. The sound of footsteps and then the ding of a bell on a counter.]
LISA: (FROM BEHIND A DOOR) Just a minute!
(SIGH)
Genevieve, can you try to finish this last stitch on your own? I have a guest to greet.
[SFX: A few clicks of heels on tile.]
LISA: Hello there! How may I help you?
FR. BEN: Hi, I'm from St. Patrick's over on Church St. I'm here to pick up Fr. Klem...
LISA: Oh! Fr. Benjamin, apologies. I didn't notice the collar right away. Um, come this way. He's, um, right through here.
FR. BEN: Uh. Ok.
[SFX: The sound of a pair of footsteps, a creaking floor, rustling clothes, and the record player grows louder as they enter the main gathering area.]
LISA: (CUSTOMER SERVICE VOICE) It's been such a delight having him here with us. He's really become such an integral part of our community here.
(BEAT)
This is our main living space by the way. Records on Tuesdays and we actually have residents play live music on Wednesdays and Fridays. We really try to put the living in assisted living.
FR. BEN: Wow, that's very nice.
[SFX: Lisa pushes open double doors.]
LISA: Annnd right through here.
[SFX: Record player begins to quiet until the double doors click shut and it is muffled entirely.]
LISA: And this is his room.
(KNOCKS)
Fr. Klem! Your... co-priest? Is here?
(BEAT)
Sorry is that right? I've never thought about what you'd call each other.
FR. BEN: (CHUCKLES) That works for me.
[SFX: Door clicks open.]
LISA: Good afternoon, Father! It looks like your stay with us is at an end. Fr. Benjamin here is coming to take you back.
FR. BEN: It's great to meet you Fr. Klem. Glad to see you're doing better.
(LONG BEAT)
Is he ok? Can he hear me?
LISA: (CHUCKLING) Heavens, yes. Did nobody tell you about his vow of silence? Fr. Klem has been in constant prayer since his open heart surgery. It's made for some pretty, er, quiet communion services here at the facility, but hey, he sure makes for a great guest!
FR. BEN: I'd imagine you folks keep it interesting regardless.
LISA: (PROUD) We do our best. You know, the other residents have loved having him with us. He's such a patient listener. Even in silence, he's a truly soulful person, if you can believe it.
(AS IF SHE'S TALKING TO A CHILD)
Father you take care now, ok! It's been delightful having you here. We'll have someone come and bring out your suitcase.
[SFX: Fr. Klem grunts in dissent.]
LISA: No?
[SFX: A suitcase is zipped up and hefted off of a bed.]
FR. BEN: That's fine, I can carry it for him.
LISA: Alrighty... Well I've got a couple other patients to visit in this hall. Is it alright if you show yourselves out?
FR. BEN: I think we can manage.
LISA: Thanks so much. Have a great, uh, blessed... day!
[SFX: Lisa walks away, and Ben begins to roll the suitcase.]
FR. BEN: You too.
[SFX: Lisa walks away down the hallway. Fr. Ben and Fr. Klem walk in the other direction, opening the same set of double doors as before.]
[SFX: There's a tense silence as the two men enter the lobby.]
FR. BEN: Here we go Father.
[SFX: Fr. Klem grunts again, this time uncomfortably. They walk down the hall in uncomfortable silence, the only sound is the rolling suit case between them. A heavy door opens.]
FR. BEN: Left the heat running in the car right out front, but you'll still probably want to zip that coat up. It's miserable out here today.
[SFX: Klem zips his coat up. The Door pushes open and the sounds of a windy winter day enter.]
FR. BEN: Let me get the door for you.
[SFX: Car door opens and you hear the sound of clicking flashers.]
FR. BEN: All good? Great.
[SFX: The car door shuts. And we hear the sound of Klem shifting in his seat]
FR. KLEM: (MUTTERING TO HIMSELF) Jesus Christ.
[SFX: Door to the other side opens.]
FR. BEN: All buckled up? Great! Let's hit the road.
[SFX: The car pulls out as Ben and Klem start driving in silence.]
FR. BEN: I have to say I'm glad to see you're on the mend for not totally unselfish reasons. It's been pretty exhausting running a one man show over at St. Pat's. Not to say that the parishioners haven't been supportive. In all honesty, for a community this size, I'm really impressed with the engaged group of laypeople we have. It's just, and I hate to say it, I think at times they might be too engaged? Not that people can ever be too faithful, of course, but definitely a bit... o-overzealous when it comes to how things run at the Parish. Which isn't to say that how you ran things was wrong! I think the church community is fantastic and your services must have been beautiful for how all the people mention missing them. And that is wonderful! I just guess I'm my own person and it's difficult because I want to help and the only way I know how is in my own way. I don't know if that makes sense. Does that make sense?
(BEAT)
Oh yeah... right, um... Sorry. Am I talking too much? I know with your current focused prayer it's pretty one way…
(BEAT)
Well, I think it's great you've taken your recent challenges as an opportunity to engage more closely with God. I'm sure it's been a harrowing time and I'm really impressed by your ability to let faith guide you through it.
(BEAT, CHUCKLING)
I'm sure the Parish will be excited to see you.
(MUTTERING)
They're certainly sick of me.
[SFX: There's one more beat of silence before you hear the sound of a lighter and the light sound of an initial puff of a cigarette.]
FR. BEN: Father Klem, are you smoking?!
FR. KLEM: Calm your ass down. I'll open a window.
[SFX: The automatic window goes down.]
FR. BEN: (STAMMERING) What... I... You shouldn't... Wait, you're... speaking?
FR. KLEM: (EXHALING SMOKE) Son, you're not the boss of me. I've been stuck in that dungeon for half a year and I want to celebrate my escape. Sue me.
FR. BEN: How'd you even get a cigarette?!
FR. KLEM: The old warden in there, Lisa, she's got a bad habit of leaving her purse around.
FR. BEN: You stole from her?
FR. KLEM: (ANNOYED) Aw, lease. It was only one cigarette to celebrate my freedom. Honestly, would've preferred a cigar but beggars can't be choosers.
[SFX: The car accelerates as it continues to drive.]
FR. BEN: (STIFFENING, PUTTING ON AN ARROGANT TONE) Father, I can only imagine how difficult of a time this has been for you, but given your recent scare, I think it would be best if you didn't smoke right now—
FR. KLEM: Or what? God will strike me down? He already tried once, the spineless bastard. Now you sit there and drive back and I'll sit here and enjoy this.
[SFX: Klem lets out a satisfied exhale.]
FR. BEN: But you're talking now?! What happened to your silent prayer?
FR. KLEM: That was just to keep the leeches at the home off of my case. You know how clingy old fogeys like that can be to us priests. Last thing I needed was to be the center of attention in that prison.
FR. BEN: I thought they all seemed quite nice.
FR. KLEM: Hah! You would.
(TAKING ANOTHER DRAG)
Ahh, It kinda backfired on me though. Most of them were like you and mistook my silence for listening, so all of the sudden I had a line of walkers waiting for their chance to clear the docket. You know, in case they, uh, kicked the bucket during the sewing circle.
FR. BEN: So, you were just faking silent prayer?
FR. KLEM: I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I didn't talk to anyone. Never made some big proclamation about it, and nobody asked. Didn't really make a difference to the idiots there.
FR. BEN: Father sorry to be blunt but... Are you ok? Uh, sorry, not to pry or anything but, from what I heard about you, you've always been a pretty serious man of God. Not that I'm saying you're not anymore, and of course you've been through a lot lately, it's just that you seem a bit… disgruntled?
FR. KLEM: (LAUGHS MIRTHFULLY) Oh, ohhh, disgruntled? It's Ben right?
FR. BEN: Yes, uh, that's my name.
FR. KLEM: Well, Ben, what you'd call disgruntled, I call liberated. My recent brush with death really helped me get my priorities in order.
FR. BEN: What do you mean?
FR. KLEM: I'm sure you've heard stories about the, uh, power of a near-death experience. Hell, I bet there's even a few pamphlets about this somewhere in a closet back at the church. You know what I'm talking about, though. People have visions, they see a light, touched by an angel, yeah?
FR. BEN: (CONFUSED) Sure.
FR. KLEM: Well, I had a vision too! It really opened my eyes. Do you know what I saw, Ben?
[MUSIC: The sound effects cut as we begin to hear the sound of a heavenly chorus droning in the background.]
[SFX: We hear the sound of footsteps walking through the wood.]
FR. BEN: (SKEPTICAL) What?
FR. KLEM: (SUDDENLY SINCERE) I saw Christ himself. He walked with me down a wooded path. Told me it wasn't my time yet and there was work yet for me to do. I've been anxiously waiting impatiently to get back and begin my service ever since.
FR. BEN: (TAKEN ABACK) Really? That doesn't really track with everything else you've said so far…
[SFX: The chorus abruptly cuts and the sounds of the driving car returns.]
FR. KLEM: OF COURSE IT DOESN'T!!
(CACKLES MANIACALLY)
I saw NOTHING Ben!! An infinite soulless black abyss. I got you though. Oh, that was good. Thank you for that.
FR. BEN: (EXASPERATED) So, what are you saying? You didn't have a spiritual vision, so you woke up a grump?
FR. KLEM: But I did have a vision. It really cleared things up. After all these years of one-sided conversations and now I realize I was only talking to my-damn-self.
FR. BEN: Klem, don't say that. The Lord is mysterious, sure, and he tests us in all manners of ways, but that doesn't mean he isn't always up there listening.
FR. KLEM: (AMUSED) Not all of us got into this line of work because of some divine calling, you know. Most of the dopes of my generation were just the runts of the litter in their eight person family whose mom took to calling him her "little priest."
FR. BEN: I don't think I get what you're trying to say.
FR. KLEM: What's not to get? I figured it out! The whole thing! It's just bullshit. It's nothing at all.
FR. BEN: So, you had a heart attack and survived, and you somehow managed to lose faith from that?
FR. KLEM: I didn't lose faith. I gained faith, in nothing.
FR. BEN: Ok, what does that exactly mean—
FR. KLEM: I'm free from all of these asinine rules and concepts like goodness and efficiency. I can luxuriate in this pointless nothing existence until the next one hits and (MAKING A POPPING SOUND) I'm gone.
FR. BEN: So, what will you do now?
FR. KLEM: What do you mean?
FR. BEN: I mean what's next? You've been a priest for years now you're walking away from this life and...
FR. KLEM: No, no, no, son. You misunderstand me. I'm not leaving the church. This place is my nest egg. 75-year-old man with no skills and no family? I think I'll stay on at St. Patrick's. Of course, I'll leave the heavy lifting of regular services to you, the youth, and just... enjoy whatever time I have left before I start to decompose.
FR. BEN: Father, I'm sorry. I know you've given your life to the church, but I can't exactly sit by and let you degrade the vocation like that.
FR. KLEM: From what I hear you had no problem degrading the vocation with a parishioner's wife in Binghamton.
[SFX: Fr. Ben grunts as the car screeches to a halt.]
FR. BEN: How the hell do you know about that?
FR. KLEM: Your old head pastor and I went to seminary together. He came by to check on me after the heart attack and talked my ear off about my accident having been the perfect dumping spot for this asshole kid who couldn't keep it in his pants. It's funny though, I didn't break the silence for him. I wonder what makes you so special?
FR. BEN: Fuck, you're not going to tell anyone are you? I've been around these people long enough to know I'm as good as gone if word gets out.
FR. KLEM: Your secret's safe with me son. No need to see my lovely Parish get out its torches and pitchforks. So long as you let me do whatever I damn well please. No questions asked.
[SFX: There's another few beats of silence as Ben begins to drive again.]
FR. BEN: This is so screwed up.
FR. KLEM: More screwed up than you getting an elderly man kicked out of his home?
FR. BEN: (SIGHS) Come on, Klem, you know it's more complicated than—
FR. KLEM: See! It's all pointless anyway. Why don't we both just get to keep what we've got going. You can play the annoying Mr. Progressive priest role I keep hearing about from old Margaret and I'll get some much deserved relaxation. And the future of St. Pat's is yours for the taking.
FR. BEN: (BEGRUDGING) Fine.
FR. KLEM: Vunderbah! I think this is the start of a great chapter in our pitiful lives.
FR. BEN: We're not friends though. I want you to call me Father in the church and show me the same respect I show you.
FR. KLEM: (MOCKING) I'll call you whatever I want, twinkle toes.
FR. BEN: (SIGHING) Whatever.
FR. KLEM: Ah, we're here! Good old St Patrick's.
[SFX: Car comes to a park. Doors open, seatbelts click.]
FR. KLEM: Thanks for the ride, Father.
FR. BEN: Uh huh.
FR. KLEM: Oh, and Romeo, if you don't mind driving over to the store quick? I'm going to go ahead inside and put my feet up, but I have had such a craving for some donuts.
[SFX: The car door shuts, ending the episode.]
[MUSIC: The Forgive Me end credits music, a bouncy acoustic guitar song with keyboards, bass, and drums, play.]
ADAM: Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. This episode was written and directed by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda.
Here’s our cast:
Danyelle Ellett Lisa
Casey Callaghan Father Ben
Josh Rubino Father Klem
Script editing by Jordan Stillman.
Sound design, score, and mixing by me, Adam Raymonda.
All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.
Keep up to date with everything relating to Forgive Me! By following @forgivemeshow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
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No matter what, thanks for listening. We’ll be back in a few weeks with episode two!
BYE!
[MUSIC: The credits song vamps one final time as a singer yells, “OH WON’T YOU FORGIVE ME!?”]