Episode 2.09 transcript - “TONIGHT’S GOSPEL”

ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Would not be possible without our generous parishioners.

We’d like to thank Jonathan Bell for helping us install St. Patrick’s first-ever community garden! The bougainvillea you’ve planted are really beautiful, but maybe next time we can stick to more practical things like fruits and veggies that we can share with the local community?

We’d also love to shout out Kelly Hoolihan for bringing some marine invertebrates from work to share with our youth group. We know they just loved getting to see all of those fascinating critters! And please don’t mind Father Klem, he was only cross with the crab who pinched him, not you.

Become a part of our community over at patreon.com/roguedialogue

[MUSIC: A Christmasy version of the Forgive Me! theme song plays on church organ and jingle bells.]

FR. BEN: Good evening everyone.

It’s wonderful to see so much warmth filling our church. Now, before tonight’s sermon, I’d like to take a moment to thank a few people: our liturgical ministers, of course, for their usual fantastic work, but I also think a special thank you is required for our youth ministry for their beautiful nativity performance during tonight’s gospel. When they initially told me that they wanted to bring a live donkey to a church service, I had some concerns, but I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong. We should all be proud of our teens for their belief in their idea, and of Ed Baker for raising such a talented and well-behaved animal.

Now, I know I’m usually on the receiving end of such things, but tonight I have something that I would like to confess to all of you: this is my favorite mass of the year. Always has been! When I first felt the call to be a priest, I visualized myself presiding over this very service. Even as a boy, I always felt blown away by the power and majesty of a midnight mass. Everything about this night is so special; the poinsettias, the smell of the incense, our beautiful advent wreath with all of its candles lit, and most powerful of all, the people. A community coming together, gathering together standing room only, and dressed in our very best to celebrate the birth of our lord.

This mass helps lift me up throughout the entire year. If I’m having a hard day, or a hard week, I can just think of this moment looking out at all of your faces, knowing we’re all in this together. We may have a stain on our shirt, or we may add some wrong notes to the carols, but we are all trying our best. And that’s my favorite theme to take from this service: trying.

Tonight’s reading from the Gospel of Luke has stood for millennia as guidance for how to try for God. What I love about Luke’s words is all that the ways the night we get to hear about is so different from the one we’re experiencing here, together. I think back to the midnight masses of my childhood again, retying my necktie over and over again until the knot looks just right, my mother fussing over my hair, practically gluing down my cowlick, and my dad’s frantic search for a lost wallet, or keys, so we could finally get out the door and make it to our seats. It was always felt so nerve-wracking, wanting things to be just so for the big night. And every Christmas, I inevitably go from thinking about what we went through leading up to the big night, to what they went through before the big night in Bethlehem.

I don’t think we talk nearly enough about how truly absurd Mary and Joseph’s journey was. A woman, probably 8 months and change into her pregnancy, and her husband traveled 96 miles either by foot or, if they were lucky, a donkey. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that was? Traveling through the desert, sleeping outside, and if they were fortunate enough not to travel on foot, spending each night next to a donkey. As I’m sure all of us can imagine, especially the mothers, that does not sound like an enjoyable trip. So, after about a week they arrive in Joseph’s hometown, and it’s clear at this point that this baby will be born in Bethlehem, so they start looking for a place to make that happen. Since everyone was in town for the census, and they were late to arrive because of the whole 96 miles while 8 months pregnant thing, there was, as we all know quite well, no room at the end.

Now I want you all to take a moment and put yourself in Mary and Joseph’s well-worn sandals. In Luke’s Gospel, an angel of God came down from heaven and told them that Mary was to give birth to the son of the Lord Himself. And nearly nine months later, with the responsibility of raising the son of the most-high looming, they realized that, despite the divinity of their soon-to-be progeny, they still had to travel to Bethlehem for the census. And so, having basically no idea on how to give birth to any child in these circumstances, much less the infant son of God, and after searching and scrambling like my father trying to find his keys, they realized that the only option available was a barn. Or, to describe it a little less charmingly and a little more accurately, a veritable poop den.

[SFX: Children begin to titter and giggle in the crowd as the adults in the room shush them.]

Think about it: I know in this area we’ve all spent our fair share of time around livestock. Every nativity scene I’ve witnessed features some combination of a cow, goat, and yes, donkey—

[SFX: We shift to the sound of an outdoor barn and hear the moo of a cow, a bleat of a goat, and a hee-haw of a donkey.]

FR. BEN: all gazing adoringly on our Lord and Savior, and none of them concerned with where their poop ends up. I’m sure they tried to clean before the birth, but honestly, how clean can you make a barn that has active livestock in it?

[SFX: The other animals disappear and are replaced by the bleating of a flock of sheep.]

FR. BEN: Now imagine that you’re a sheppard sitting on a hill after spending your entire day surrounded by a flock of sheep, another animal famously unconcerned with their poop. You left your home early that morning, worked for hours outdoor in the sun, you’re probably wearing clothes you haven’t washed in a while, and you’re now practically bathing in a mix of your own sweat and the odor of your wooly dependants.

[SFX: There’s a thunderclap and the sound of an angelic chorus.]

FR. BEN: Suddenly a glowing angel comes down from the sky and instructs you to go greet the savior.

[SFX: The phrase “Go greet the savior” is doubled in a way that makes it sound booming and otherworldly.]

FR. BEN: So you’re now left with no choice but to scramble with your fellow sheppards away from your flocks to greet this infant savior, and each one of you smells worse than the next.

[SFX: The sound falls away and we end up back in the church, Ben’s voice reverberating.]

FR. BEN: I just love that juxtaposition. I’m genuinely delighted by the thought that we’re here in our Better than Sunday Best honoring the birth of our Lord who, in the actual moment he came into our world, was surrounded by a bunch of exhausted people who had all, almost definitely, either touched, scooped, or stepped in poop in the last 24 hours. I think that if they knew how much trouble we go through to be neat and tidy to celebrate this day, those weary faces would smile even wider than they already were.

But there’s more that we can take from this story than just levity: there’s a lesson we can learn from the circumstances of Mary, Joseph, and those sheppards. God sent his only son to us because he knows that we are imperfect creatures. He doesn’t expect us to live our lives flawlessly. All he asks is that every day we’re trying our best. Trying. It’s not about perfection, it’s about showing up and doing what you can for your loved ones, for your community, and for God.

Sometimes that’s gonna look like this space tonight: flowers, garlands, and the smell of incense. And sometimes that’s going to look like Mary and Joseph: straw, donkeys, and well, poop. I think this is such an important reminder to all of us, this time of year. The holidays are a special time, but also a fleeting one. Pretty soon we’ll be back to our lives, and for many of us we won’t be together again until Easter, or maybe even our next midnight mass. We’ll all be busy with work and with the stress of day to day life, where time gets short and putting our best foot forward gets a lot harder and, on some days, downright impossible.

In those moments, I want you all to think about tonight, and then think about those folks sitting in that barn, just trying to figure it out. You’lll probably be somewhere in between, but whatever smell is surrounding you at that particular moment, just remember that the only thing that anyone is asking you, is that you try.

[MUSIC: Clara plays a triumphant hand bell run version of “Oh the Little Town of Bethlehem,” which is eventually accompanied by the organist.]

[SFX: There’s a general crowd rustling as people stand from their pews and begin to exit the church.]

STEVE: That was a beautiful sermon, Father.

FR. BEN: Thanks, Steve.

STEVE: I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

ADAM: Same to you.

EMMA: This is always my favorite service, too! Ever since I was a little kid.

FR. BEN: I’m glad I could hold a candle to St. Pat’s Christmases past.

ADAM: That really hit close to home, Father Ben. I’m so glad that we have you here.

FR. BEN: Heh, I’m glad somebody feels that way.

ADAM: Have a Merry Christmas, I’ll see you next week.

FR. BEN: You have a Merry Christmas too.

[SFX: As the first three parishioners have walked away, Tom does a slow clap, stopping the line behind him.]

TOM: Wow.

FR. BEN: Merry Christmas, Tom.

TOM: (patting Ben on the shoulder) Merry Christmas to you too, padré. I’ve gotta be honest with you, there, I’ve never seen anything like your homily tonight.

EMILY: Tom, we talked about this. 

TOM: What? I can’t tell the guy that that was the funniest thing that’s happened in St. Pat’s since the Donut Festival?

FR. BEN: I certainly wasn’t making a joke for your benefit.

[SFX: Emily elbows Tom.]

EMILY: Tom. [sighing] I’m sorry for my husband, Father. It seems all that time he’s been spending with David’s been giving him the manners of a barn animal.

FR. BEN: (distant) Hah, I suppose you’re probably right.

TOM: (flustered) I’m sorry.

FR. BEN: It’s fine. How’s your mother, Emily?

EMILY: On a last-minute beach vacation with Richard, actually.

FR. BEN: That sounds nice for her.

TOM: If only she’d taken us with her.

FR. BEN: And the judge?

EMILY: (sighing) I couldn’t tell you.

FR. BEN: I’m sorry I asked.

EMILY: You’re not the one that needs to apologize.

FR. BEN: Yeah… well, you two have a good Christmas tomorrow, alright?

TOM: You too, Father.

[SFX: Tom walks away, but Emily hangs back a moment.]

EMILY: Don’t listen to the man child, over there. What you said was really beautiful, and true. It’s nice to feel seen, and know that sometimes, trying is all we can do. Even if that trying doesn’t always translate into succeeding.

FR. BEN: Thanks…

[SFX: Emily walks away as well and Father Klem approaches slowly.]

KLEM: That was a bit harsh, don’t you think?

FR. BEN: Come again?

KLEM: You, you can’t tell me you planned a speech like that and didn’t expect a few titters from the crowd? 

FR. BEN: (tired) Why are you even still here right now? Don’t you have a Truth and Justice marathon to catch up with?

KLEM: (chuckling) I do so love those litigious lawyers. But, seriously, Benji: if there weren’t so many people around, I’d raise a glass to you for that stunt. I never would’ve thought you had it in you, working that kinda literal filth into a midnight mass.

FR. BEN: How many times do I have to say I wasn’t trying to be funny?

KLEM: (genuinely concerned) Aw, Ben, I’m just pulling your leg. You know, I’ve been to a Christmas service or two in my time, and trust me when I say this: that was a good one. 

FR. BEN: Now you’re pulling my leg.

[SFX: Clara storms up from behind them, a ringing set of bells clanging at her side. The two men hush as she approaches.]

CLARA: What on earth was that, Father?

FR. BEN: More notes on my homily?

CLARA: I thought, you and I, we were simpatico. But obviously not, if you’re still getting up there, a full year later, talking about [whispers] poop.

FR. BEN: Clara, this had nothing to do with last year’s incident!

CLARA: I’m sure. You know, even Aiden’s forgotten about that whole mess. Every minute he wasn’t at my side, ringing the bells, he was off playing PitBuild.

FR. BEN: Ha! Good for him. I’m happy to hear he enjoyed himself tonight. And, I hope, you did as well? Getting your big solo back?

CLARA: Hmm. Yes, you’re, you’re right. It was a nice evening, but I do hope this was the last stunt you’ll pull, in regards to my previous… misgivings. I’m not sure if you know this about us, but we Martins are a rather spiteful bunch.

FR. BEN: I’ll keep that in mind. You have a good Christmas now, okay?

CLARA: This conversation isn’t over, Father!

FR. BEN: I’m sorry, but it is. I’ve got to get Klem back home, it’s way past his bedtime.

FR. KLEM: I resent that.

CLARA: I see we have plenty in common as always, Father Klem.

FR. KLEM: That’s certainly a ringing endorsement coming from you, if ever I’ve heard one.

CLARA: You’re so precious, you know that? You take care of yourself. Don’t let this one hold the leash too tight.

FR. KLEM: (chuckling) Oh, Clara, I think you’ve mistaken which one of us is holding the line.

[SFX: Clara hums to herself as she walks away, bells still ringing.]

FR. KLEM: So, tell me, what, uh, did I miss last year, with the boy?

FR. BEN: A traumatic experience that is both none of your business, and had nothing to do with the words that I delivered tonight.

FR. KLEM: Sure, I believe that just about as much as I still believe in the Lord Almighty.

FR. BEN: Faithfully and without question?

FR. KLEM: Hmmm. I’ll ask Margaret, if you don’t want to tell me. 

FR. BEN: You go ahead and do that.

FR. KLEM: What’s gotten into you? You don’t have any of your usual fight in you. It’s no fun.

FR. BEN: (lackluster) Nothing. I’m fine. You heard me, it’s my favorite night of the year.

FR. KLEM: He said with all the conviction of an empty potato sack.

FR. BEN: I’m just tired. Are you ready to head out?

FR. KLEM: I’ve been ready! The Tardis awaits!

[MUSIC: The Forgive Me! end credits music plays.]

Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. This episode was written and directed by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda.

Here’s our cast in order of appearance: 
Casey Callaghan Father Ben
Jack Marone Steve
Adam Raymonda Adam
Sam Twardy Emma
Derek Emerson Powell Tom
Caroline Mincks Emily
Josh Rubino Father Klem
Krystal Osborne Clara

Script editing by Jordan Stillman.

Dialogue Editing by Bob Raymonda.

Sound design, score, and mixing by me, Adam Raymonda.

All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.

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