Episode transcript - “praying the rosary”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Would not be possible without our generous parishioners.
We’ve become such huge fans of Trey and Michelle Harris, who recently held a story night at their duck farm for the youth of St. Patrick’s. We’re not entirely sure The Wheel of Time was the best choice for a bunch of ten year olds, but you two do you.
Become a part of our community over at patreon.com/roguedialogue
[SFX: Early morning sounds. Birds singing. The clicking of a stove top burner followed by coffee percolating. Coffee poured into a mug. Fr. Ben blows on the coffee, then sips.]
FR. BEN: (he yawns, muttering to himself) That’s good coffee. (an early morning sniffle)
[SFX: A pen clicks, some scribbling on paper.]
FR. BEN: In times of transition we… Hmm. We… Uhh, we can find ourselves feeling lost. Ugh. Find ourselves feeling lost? Basically an oxymoron.
[SFX: Fr. Ben walks down a hallway, a slight echo to his step.]
FR. BEN: In times of trouble we… We can… (he yawns)
[SFX: Enzo’s prayer can be heard softly.]
FR. BEN: Is… Is someone in the church?
[SFX: The creaking of a wooden door as Fr. Ben peeks inside. Enzo’s voice is clearer now. The slight rattling of a rosary can be heard.]
ENZO: (in the middle distance) Dios te salve, María, llena eres de gracia, El Señor es contigo. Bendita tú… Bendita tú eres… (a heavy sigh) Come on, you know this. Dios te salve, María, llena eres de gracia—
FR. BEN: Sorry to interrupt—
ENZO: (a gasp) Ay! You scared me!
FR. BEN: I didn’t mean to, it’s just—
ENZO: Sorry, I know I shouldn’t be here—
FR. BEN: No, that’s not it—
ENZO: I can go—
FR. BEN: No! Don’t. This is, this is the perfect place to pray… That’s what you were doing, right?
ENZO: Trying to, at least.
FR. BEN: That was the Hail Mary, yeah? I can’t help with the Spanish, but we have some prayer books if you’re—
ENZO: Oh, I know the prayer in English, I’m just… (a laugh) I guess I’m just being hard on myself.
FR. BEN: How so?
ENZO: My mom is living with us now and she’s giving me a hard time about not knowing my prayers in Spanish, like when I was a kid. The older I got the less I spoke it. Now it feels strange in my mouth. Like it doesn’t quite fit.
FR. BEN: Moms can be particular in that way. You’re a good son for practicing.
ENZO: (a gentle laugh) Thanks. We’ve been listening to a lot of my mom’s favorite oldies. Juanga, Vicente, José José. We’re probably driving my neighbors crazy, but… kinda feels like I’m a kid again. Singing songs with my mom while we dance around in the kitchen… Would you like to sit?
FR. BEN: Would you mind?
ENZO: Not at all no, please.
[SFX: Enzo shifts down the pew, Fr. Ben sits next to him. Wood creaks.]
FR. BEN: We don’t usually get parishioners this early.
ENZO: Right, yeah. I was delivering flowers for the funeral later today.
FR. BEN: Oh! Usually it’s uh… Ricky, right? Who delivers them. Is he okay?
ENZO: Ricky’s great! Enjoying some much-needed time off. Sorry, I should introduce myself. I’m Ricky’s husband, the other half of Flores Florists. Enzo.
FR. BEN: It’s good to meet you, Enzo. I’m Father Ben.
ENZO: Oh! The Father Ben. I’ve heard a lot about you.
FR. BEN: All good things I hope? (he laughs softly) I… I don’t want to pry, so please let me know if you want to be alone, but, if I’m being honest, I’m really struggling to write the homily for the service and I’m desperately looking for a distraction.
ENZO: No, please, by all means.
FR. BEN: I don’t often see people Praying the Rosary. Is this also something your mother wants you to do?
ENZO: (he laughs) One of the many, many things, yes. We were raised Catholic, me and my siblings, and most of us drifted away from it. Not for any real reason other than the way most kids run from things their parents pushed on them. I came back around though, because of Ricky. And now, well, let’s just say my mom’s got me playing catch up.
FR. BEN: It sounds like your mom would fit right in with some of our more, uhh, devout, older parishioners.
ENZO: Something tells me they wouldn’t get along.
FR. BEN: Why’s that?
ENZO: My mom… Well, she also practices other things.
FR. BEN: Like what?
ENZO: I don’t want to say…magic, necessarily, but something adjacent. Are you familiar with brujería?
FR. BEN: Isn’t that like folk magic?
ENZO: Similar, I think. My mom is a devout Catholic, but she rarely prays to God. Her prayers are for Guadalupe’s ears only. As a kid, I never really understood what that meant. That she was kind of the Virgin Mary, but also not, you know?
FR. BEN: There’s an admittedly unfortunate history behind that. The erasure of native cultures in Mexico by the Spanish Catholic monks—
ENZO: Erasure is putting it kindly—
FR. BEN: Yes, of course, I didn’t mean to—
ENZO: No, no, I’m only just learning all of this myself. When you’re little you don’t ask the kind of questions I have now. Like, when I was sick, why did my mom rub me with an egg? You know? I wish I paid more attention to the way she prayed.
[SFX: the crisp striking of a match, the hiss of a new flame, as a candle is lit.]
ENZO: She’d light special candles, novenas, for luck or money. She’d make oils for protection or road opening. She even kept a machete by her bed, said that it was blessed by Guadalupe and offered our family protection. Against what, I don’t know, but maybe that’s just because it worked.
ESPERANZA: (dreamlike V.O.) Dios te salve, María, llena eres de gracia, El Señor es contigo. Bendita tú eres entre todas las mujeres, y bendito es el fruto de tu vientre, Jesús. Santa María, Madre de Dios, ruego por nosotros, pecadores, ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte.
ESPERANZA: (dreamlike V.O. trails off) Amén.
FR. BEN: Well, candles I could’ve helped with but a machete!
(they both laugh)
ENZO: Right? I don’t even know where I’d get one… Last week, she was complaining about our spice selection. It was driving Ricky crazy. We have this little rotating spice rack on our counter and all night she was pulling shakers out of it and dropping them on the floor. She loves fresh herbs so no surprise when we found the dried basil shaker in the trash. I was trying to explain to Ricky that my mom always believed basil was a protective plant that should be grown in the home, but it was 2 am, and he was not having it… When he went back to bed I stayed up and cleaned. And, to be honest, I wasn’t a fan of all the prepackaged stuff anyway. The whole rack was a wedding gift, and we hadn’t touched most of it. Some of them still had that little plastic wrapping on them, but that’s not the point, of course. Ricky’s been great. If I were in his position I honestly don’t know what I’d do. So who am I to complain about sweeping up dried thyme and rosemary all night? … It did get me thinking though. Back home she had an herb garden with all the staples, but also things like rue and agrimony. She’d show me how to care for them, how to tend to the garden. I guess it should be no surprise that I became a florist, huh?
FR. BEN: No, that sounds pretty textbook.
ENZO: (he laughs) Yeah. I just… (he sighs) I wish I knew more about the why. Why those plants? Why that incense? Why those oils? Hell, where she got that machete! There’s just so much I wish I could ask her.
FR. BEN: Why don’t you? Ask her, I mean? I’m sure she’d love to share those practices with you and your husband.
ENZO: I’d love to, but unless you know any mediums, I’m stuck with flickering candles and slamming cabinets.
FR. BEN: A medium?
ENZO: She’s been hiding my keys too. Probably trying to tell me that I’m working too much.
FR. BEN: Wait… wait, wait, wait. I’m sorry, I uh… I thought you said that she was living with—
ENZO: Oh! Yeah, right, yes. Sorry. No, she’s dead. Like, for sure. Buried her myself. Well, not myself, I was just there, I watched— Like, like the funeral, the lowering of the casket— (nervous laugh) Sorry, I’m... I’m rambling. Am I making any sense?
FR. BEN: To be clear, you’re saying that your mom, who is currently cross with you for not praying in Spanish, is also…dead?
ENZO: Yes.
FR. BEN: Uhhhh—
— AD BREAK —
FR. BEN: I’m sorry, Enzo, but are you saying your mother’s spirit is haunting you?
ENZO: No more than most mothers. Well, a little more I guess, but haunting doesn’t feel like the right word. Hovering maybe? In a warm way, not the smothering kind. Is this… is this making any sense?
FR. BEN: Not… Not so much.
ENZO: Right. Let me take a step back. Last spring, we found out that my mom had stomach cancer. It was pretty far along by the time we caught it so we kinda skipped right to the hospice. Not actually skipped of course, but it was um, it was quick, ya know— Sorry.
FR. BEN: You don’t need to apologize. Please, continue.
ENZO: At the time, I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to go see her, but Ricky promised to hold down the fort while I was gone. Said I should be there as long as I needed to be. So I took a one way flight back home.
FR. BEN: That must’ve been hard, being there without him. Had Ricky ever met your mom?
ENZO: It was. And… No. Not really. Phone calls, videos, sure, but that trip’s hard. Expensive for the two of us, and my mom’s been in no shape to fly for, for a while.
FR. BEN: Where’s home?
ENZO: El Paso, Texas. The pointy bit.
ESPERANZA: (V.O.) If I had known it’d take me dying to get you to visit, I would’ve done it years ago!
ENZO: (V.O.) Ay, mom, don’t say those kinds of things!
ENZO: It was nice being back, seeing all my siblings. At times, it kinda felt like a party.
[SFX: Laughter, the strum of a guitar with a few notes picked.]
ENZO: We’d all sit around her bed and tell stories. Reminiscing about how she’d scold us for playing with the neighborhood strays or put us to work making tamales for Christmas. Or the time my sister tried to keep a kitten hidden in her sock drawer.
ESPERANZA: (V.O.) Remember that 4th of July when Lorenzo used his sparklers to set tumbleweeds on fire? Ay, mijito, you nearly burned down the neighborhood!
[SFX: Laughter then, after a moment, coughing.]
ENZO: (sighs) We kept her laughing, as long as we could… We also probably drove her crazy! All of us, we were desperately trying to stay busy. Between drinks and stories and cooking and just trying to stay present… Leading up to the funeral, Ricky kept texting me: “Don’t do the flowers. Don’t do that to yourself.” And I sorta listened. I didn’t do all the flowers, but, my mom… she always told us stories about picking Mexican gold poppies as a kid. El Paso gets these gorgeous poppy blooms in early spring. She couldn’t get up from bed so, my sisters and I, we drove out to pick some. Brought armfuls home. We repotted some, to have them grow around the house, but my youngest sister made her a crown. The way she smiled seeing it. How gentle she was placing it on her head. It’s like, for the briefest moment, I watched as the years just faded away.
ESPERANZA: (weak, V.O.) Ay, que bonita.
ENZO: That smile, that last smile, felt weightless. (he sniffles, tearing up)
[SFX: Ruffling of cloth as Fr. Ben pulls a pack of tissues out of his pocket.]
FR. BEN: Here, if you need it.
ENZO: Thanks. Sorry, I’m— You keep these on you for times like this?
FR. BEN: Allergies mostly, but they certainly come in handy.
ENZO: (sniffles than that post tears sigh) After the funeral, I flew back home and, when I got here, I could just…feel her. The kind thing would be to say I felt her presence, but, if I’m being honest, it was her stare. Could feel it whenever I did something she didn’t like. Honestly, she’s probably just as frustrated about not being able to scold me as I am with her for turning the TV off when we’re up too late.
FR. BEN: You seem to be taking this rather well.
ENZO: If I’m being honest…it’s nice. I moved away for college and… It was hard getting back home. I’d go back once a year, usually for Christmas, but then things come up, situations change and well…
ESPERANZA: (V.O.) No, no te preocupes, mijito. Yo entiendo. Keep making me proud.
ENZO: It’d been a long time since I saw her in person.
FR. BEN: It’s never easy being far from the ones we love.
ENZO: No, it’s not.
FR. BEN: You mentioned keeping in touch over phone calls. Did you do that often?
ENZO: Not often enough, but yeah. When I first moved out here, it was easily twice a week. She’d gossip about the family, and I’d tell her all about school and work and, I don’t know, as much as we could fit in.
FR. BEN: You said twice a week at first? I take it that changed?
ENZO: Yeah. Before Ricky and the flower shop, I was barely getting by. I couldn’t open my mailbox without getting a sinking feeling in my gut. Even just one surprise bill would’ve been enough to… So I worked. Harder and harder. Filled every free moment I could. I stopped making the calls myself, and when she called, I was exhausted. I tried not to let it show, but I think she knew. I mean, of course she knew. So the calls got shorter. Then less frequent. Then… only on special occasions. A holiday. A birthday. When things got serious with Ricky. When we opened the flower shop. But there’s so much life between all those things. If I had known the last call I’d get from her was to tell me she was sick I… It just feels like I left so much unsaid, you know?
FR. BEN: We could rewrite our whole lives with the words we leave unsaid. It’s easy to get lost in those possibilities, but they aren’t more important than what has been said—
ENZO: (a shaky sigh)
FR. BEN: I’m sorry, did I say something that—
ENZO: Sorry, no, no, it’s just. You’re right, you’re right. It’s just that, towards the end, she wasn’t always there. Her lucid moments became really sporadic. Infrequent. The night before she left us, she was trying to tell me something. She grabbed my hand real tight, tighter than I would’ve thought possible considering how frail she was, and she looked me right in the eyes and…
ESPERANZA: (weak, V.O.) Yo entiendo que no es fácil, pero tu necesitas el mismo cuidado que le das al jardín. Estás perdido en el trabajo, y los detalles. Recuerda la razón del jardín era para ser compartido.
ENZO: And I couldn’t understand her. She was speaking Spanish and I couldn’t understand her.
FR. BEN: Oh, Enzo.
ENZO: I just wanted to be there for her. I held her hands and got real close, wanted her to feel seen, but I think she knew. Probably saw it in the way my eyes searched for something in hers. Her big brown eyes, heavy and tired. Then she just smiled. Put a hand on my cheek and gave me her rosary. The next morning she was gone.
ESPERANZA: (very weakly, V.O.) Dios te salve, María, llena eres de gracia… (a sigh, a release.)
FR. BEN: I… I don’t know if this is of any comfort, but you being there, right by her bed, holding her hands, I would guess that she appreciated that. I’ve spent my fair time around older folks at the end of their journeys, and I can see the smile on their faces when their loved ones are beside them. That’s the kind of comfort medicine can’t provide.
ENZO: That…that’s nice to hear.
FR. BEN: And, well, she isn’t completely gone yet either, right?
ENZO: (he laughs) Right.
FR. BEN: Maybe, and I want to emphasize that maybe because only you can know for sure… But maybe she was trying to teach you a bit of magic in the end.
[SFX: The gentle rattle of a rosary.]
FR. BEN: A rosary is a powerful thing. Sure, it can be a tool for prayer, a connection to God, but it’s also about storytelling. Every bead is a prayer and every step you take along it is a journey. Now, at risk of being a bit presumptuous, it does seem like your mother knew you were about to find yourself facing the unknown. Not just a life where she’s gone, but a journey of reconnecting with your family’s roots, her practices. And, with a mother’s wisdom, she’s sticking around a little longer to help you get your start.
ENZO: (holding back tears in that slightly machismo way) Wow, I… Uhh, haha. I hope you’re right, Father.
[SFX: A gentle breeze with a song on its tail. An admittedly vague sound effect.]
ENZO: This uh…(laughs) this was really nice, Father Ben. I can see why Ricky likes you.
FR. BEN: I’m glad, and listen, my office is always open to the three of you. And, if you want to tell me more about your mother’s practices, I’m always interested in learning about the ways others commune with their faith.
ENZO: Careful now, she might take you up on that and teach you herself, hauntings and all.
(they laugh)
[SFX: A door creaks open.]
FR. KLEM: (in the middle distance) Ben? Ben, what are you doing?
FR. BEN: I’m speaking with a parishioner. Did you need something?
FR. KLEM: Oh, Enzo! Good to see you. How’s Ricky?
ENZO: Doing great, Father. Sleeping in today.
FR. KLEM: Lucky guy, but let him know the flower bushes by the rectory need trimming.
ENZO: (a laugh) I will, Father.
FR. KLEM: Ben, would you like some more coffee?
FR. BEN: I’d love some—
FR. KLEM: Great, make me a cup too while you’re at it. Good seeing you, Enzo!
[SFX: The door creaks and closes.]
ENZO: Father Klem is as spry as ever I see.
FR. BEN: (sigh) He’s kind of my own personal haunting in a way. (they laugh) Please don’t tell anyone I said that!
ENZO: Your secret’s safe with me, but my mom is a bit of a chismosa so no promises… But seriously, Father… This was great. I didn’t realize I had so much to get off my chest.
FR. BEN: Sometimes all it takes is a little prayer and a priest in need of a distraction.
ENZO: Also, just so I can cover all my bases, do you, uhh, do you have any experience with exorcisms?
FR. BEN: Oh! I, well, I’ve never— And besides I don’t think that—
ENZO: (laughs) I’m joking! Besides, I’m pretty sure it’d take more than just a priest and some hand waving to get her to stop misplacing my keys. No offense.
FR. BEN: None taken.
ENZO: I better get going.
[SFX: Wood creaking as Fr. Ben and Enzo stand and exit the pew.]
ENZO: I promised Ricky I’d pick up breakfast, and he’s no fun when he’s hungry. Oh, and hey, uhh, good luck on that homily. You’ll figure it out.
FR. BEN: Thanks. I’m sure something will come to me.
[SFX: Footsteps as Enzo exits.]
FR. BEN: Hmm.
[SFX: The click of a pen and the sound of writing on paper.]
FR. BEN: In times of transition, it’s easy to feel alone. We all experience moments of change that, given the opportunity, can isolate us. Starting a new job. Moving someplace new. Losing a loved one. The unknown can be scary, but the path doesn’t stay dark. We illuminate it, not just with our faith in God, but with the grace of others. Hold your hand out in the light and someone will be there to grab it… Huh. Not too shabby.
[SFX: The same breeze from before. The slight creaking of wood.]
FR. BEN: Hello? Is someone there?
[MUSIC: The Forgive Me end credits music, a bouncy acoustic guitar song with keyboards, bass, and drums, play.]
Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. This episode was written by Andrew Sianez-De La O.
Directed and story edited by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda.
Here’s our cast in order of appearance:
Casey Callaghan Father Ben
Andrew Sianez-De La O Enzo
Jennica Carmona Esperanza
Josh Rubino Fr. Klem
Script editing by Jordan Stillman.
Dialogue Editing by Bob Raymonda.
Sound design, score, and mixing by Adam Raymonda.
Additional background music from Kevin MacCloud.
All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.
Find out what we’re up to by following @forgivemeshow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
This season we’ve got a 13-episode Patreon-exclusive series called Confessions with Klem! Our Patrons will get a glance into the secrets of the St. Patrick’s community with everyone’s favorite witty nihilistic Priest.
In this week’s episode, Lisa stops by to seek guidance on the effect Mitchell’s new hobby is having on her professional life.
To get access to this Patreon-exclusive series as well as an ad-free version of our feed, become a supporting parishioner over at patreon.com/roguedialogue. That’s patreon.com/roguedialogue.
Are you enjoying the start of our new season? If you did - go follow it on your favorite podcast player. If you REALLY enjoyd it rate and review it on Podchaser or Apple Podcasts.
That’s it for now! We’ll see you back here in two weeks for episode four!
Bye!