Episode transcript - “Señor Mystery”

ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Season 3, episode 9: “Señor Mystery.”

[SFX: The sound of rain hitting an umbrella is heard as steps from Olivia and Susan shuffle toward the door to the Alito’s Conversion Vans showroom.]

OLIVIA: Here, let me get that.

SUSAN: Why thank you my ever dutiful assistant.

OLIVIA: Of course, my liege.

[SFX: The doors clunk shut and their wet shoes echo in the showroom. The only sound is elevator style music (imagine the open screen for a hotel tv) with the following being read on loop:]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Alito’s Conversion Vans. Please talk to any of our salespeople and we promise you’ll be a convert to a new way of driving in style. Think you’re a man? Get a conversion van from Alito’s Conversion Vans. 

OLIVIA: Where is everyone?

ANNOUNCER: Going to the national parks with your family of 7? Throw those kids in the back of one of our vans! 

SUSAN: (thoughtful) Something about being alone in a room with nothing but a handful of large vans…

ANNOUNCER: There’s a mini fridge in there (paid upgrade)!

OLIVIA: What?

ANNOUNCER: Are you a young couple trying to take on that new nomad lifestyle called hashtag van life? BUY YOUR VAN SOMEPLACE ELSE THESE ARE FAMILY VEHICLES THAT WILL NOT BE DENIGRATED BY YOUR CHEAP CULTURAL FAD. 

SUSAN: (distant) I don’t know… brings back memories.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a Beach Boys cover band who recently booked a tour of small town microbreweries across the eastern seaboard? 

OLIVIA: Of what?

ANNOUNCER: Grab one of these vans! The acoustics are amazing for harmonies and there’s plenty of space for instruments.

SUSAN: (still far away, thinking) I’m not sure… the 70s were a hell of a time.

ANNOUNCER: We promise you’ll be satisfied with our product. We’ve been in business since 1981 and nobody does vans like us.

[SFX: Sound begins to loop, a few beats of silence before Olivia speaks.]

OLIVIA: Okay, we can’t stand here all day. Hello?! Anyone here!!

[SFX: Van door slides open loudly.]

OLIVIA + SUSAN: Ahhh!

ROGER: Hello there!

OLIVIA: Jesus, you scared us half to death.

ROGER: Apologies ladies! I didn’t mean to startle. I was just doing some paperwork in my office. And I’ll ask that you don’t take the Lord’s name in vain here. This is a Christian establishment after all.

SUSAN: Our apologies, your Supreme Admiralship. We’ll mind our tongues.

OLIVIA: Uh yes. Wait, your office is a floor model van?

ROGER: Of course! No corner office could have the glamor, luxury, and comfort of the Big Boy LX. It’s a converted Bercedes Thick Van. A truly aspirational vehicle for most men. Are either of you married?

OLIVIA: I don’t think that’s any of your busin…

ROGER: I assumed not, well trust me... It doesn’t get any better than this. Right Brett?

BRETT: (enthusiastically as the front window rolls down) That’s right Supreme Admiral!

[SFX: SUSAN and Olivia gasp.]

OLIVIA: Were you up there the whole time?

BRETT: Yup! The Supreme Admiral…

ROGER: (sighs) We’re not at church, Brett. You can call me Roger.

BRETT: Yes Supre… Roger. Well, he told me you were coming by and asked me to pop in and help calm his nerves.

SUSAN: Why are you sitting up there?

BRETT: Roger smartly pointed out there isn’t room to seat four people comfortably back there…

ROGER: BUPBUPBUP. The Big Boy LX has enough space to hold a small dinner party. Perhaps it would even make a good office for a private eye?

SUSAN: Thanks but I’ll pass. My assistant is deathly afraid of moving vehicles.

BRETT: Really? I swear I’ve seen Olivia driving around town before.

OLIVIA: She means the parro… You know what, nevermind.

BRETT: Well anyway, sorry for the confusion. The Supreme Admiral is right. The main reason I’m up here is access to the passenger side snack zone. Can I offer you a refreshment? Diet Bepsi, Diet Professor Bepper? I also have a Crock-Pot warming up some mini hot dogs Roger gives to prospective buyers.

SUSAN: We’re fine, thank you.

ROGER: Down to business then. Climb on in and take a seat.

[SFX: Susan and Olivia climb in and sit on leather swivel chairs.]

ROGER: Comfortable, aren’t they?

OLIVIA: They’re great. Can we talk about the case now? I know you want us to keep you updated, but I don’t see why this couldn’t be done over phone or email?

ROGER: I’m pretty sure the reason it can’t be done that way is I’m the one paying the bills here, dear. While I’m sure you’re enjoying galavanting around eating pancakes on my dime, the least you could do is update me where I want, when I want.

SUSAN: No need for that. We’re here now and happy to provide you an update. Olivia’s actually made great headway on the case. Isn’t that right, Olivia?

OLIVIA: That’s right. After talking to the initial group of parishioners—  

ROGER: Suspects.

OLIVIA: This isn’t a criminal case. We’re just gathering information abou—

ROGER: Well, this is my case and I suspect them ergo…

OLIVIA: Fine. After talking to the initial group of suspects, I decided to go back to the scene and look at what happened. It was pretty clear right away the fire department was right about this being a fire started by the frying oil on the oven—

ROGER: So what am I paying you for?

OLIVIA: But what isn’t clear is how it got to that point. We know from her statement that the donut shop owner, Lexi…

ROGER: I need to grab some weenies for this…  (gets up to grab some mini hot dogs) Brett, can you make me a plate?

BRETT:  Coming right up Supreme Roger… I mean Admiral Supreme.

ROGER: Just get the weenies... (to Olivia) ..Keep going. I’m listening... You were talking about that asshole Walters’ side woman.

OLIVIA: You know, as much as I appreciate the misogynist nicknames that you spout while shoveling mini hot dogs in your mouth, I think we can at least call her Lexi.

BRETT: Here you go.

ROGER: (shoveling mini hot dogs into his mouth) Fine, fine. What did she do?

OLIVIA: Lexi made clear that she was never out of the kitchen for more than 60 seconds. This is corroborated by more than a few witnesses who saw her show up with a tray of donuts and run back to the lounge. She said she’d never have even been gone that long except none of the volunteer runners showed up to grab the last tray of bear claws.

BRETT: That is suspicious.

OLIVIA: We agree there. The science just doesn’t check out.

ROGER: I’m not following this.

BRETT: Let’s hear her out. Maybe she’s onto something.

OLIVIA: Leaving aside whether she should have left the pot of oil at all. How does a person use a pot of oil to make a set of perfect bear claws, leave for just 60 seconds, and come back to the whole kitchen being on fire! It just doesn’t make sense.

ROGER: How so…

OLIVIA: (getting excited) I did the math! Lexi fries her donuts at 350 degrees. For the oil to even smoke it’d need to be up to 450 and way higher to combust. Now, if Lexi kept a sloppy kitchen it could be some oil spilled on a burner that could cause this, but that’s a lot less likely given the accounts we have.

BRETT: How fascinating!

OLIVIA: Truly! Still, there were splatter marks all over the oven which indicates the sprinklers went off, and therefore the oil needed to at least reach its smoke point.

ROGER: Can you get to the point?

OLIVIA: It is mathematically impossible for the oil to have gotten hot enough to start that fire while Lexi was gone without a significant increase in heat source. Which tells us tampering had to be involved!

ROGER: And… 

OLIVIA: That’s what we’ve got so far.

BRETT: Well I’d say it sounds like you’ve been working very hard. I think everything you’re saying makes….

ROGER: I have been paying you two for nearly a month. And all you have is that the oil had to get HOT ENOUGH?

SUSAN: Supreme Admiral, you know these things take time.

OLIVIA: You can’t be serious right now! We were able to prove that there had to be some kind of tampering with the heat. That it probably was arson.

ROGER: I already knew that. Why do you think I hired you?

OLIVIA: But now there’s tangible proof!

BRETT: Supreme Admiral, you know I was skeptical, but she did find something.

ROGER: BRETT, shut up and eat your weenies. 

BRETT: (Pacified) Yes, Supreme Admiral…

ROGER: Olivia, ma’am, do you know what tangible proof I actually need?

OLIVIA: (flatly) What?

ROGER: That you talked to the fucking WALTERS FAMILY.

OLIVIA: Where the hell do you get off…

SUSAN: (cutting Olivia off) Supreme Admiral, we told you on the phone that the entire family has alibis for the fire. We’ve already discussed Lexi, Joe Walters was on stage for the eating competition, and Darla Walters and Emily and Tom Steadman were all running a petting zoo…

ROGER: First off, Joe Walters is a sneaky bastard and I wouldn’t put it past him to pay his charlatan of a second wife to burn the place down and make it look like an accident. Second, despite whatever appearance she has as an adult, Emily was an evil girl who shouldn’t be trusted AND I have it on good authority she was not at the petting zoo at the time of the fire. I don’t know what Darla Walters’ problem is, but she did turn me down for a date recently, so she has to be a suspect. I mean two divorcees at the same church! It’s destiny. Something suspicious about not seeing that.

OLIVIA: Look Roger, I understand you have some past with those people but I don’t want to interview anyone else until we have a bit more information. I’m working on getting some materials to run a couple tests and that will…

ROGER: No.

OLIVIA: Sorry?

ROGER: You’re done.

SUSAN: Supreme Admiral, I assure you…

ROGER: I’m not waiting on your crap any longer. If you won’t dig into the Walters family I’ll have Brett find us a PI who will. 

BRETT: Me? I mean… yeah! You better kick it into gear or I’ll be on Angelo’s Index finding a new detective faster than you can say “Supreme Admiral Roger Alito.”

ROGER: (interrupting) That’s enough Brett. You ladies get the point. No Walters family, no case.

SUSAN: Oh that’s all? Sorry for any confusion, but we’re absolutely planning to. Olivia was merely telling you the next step, but it’s ready and scheduled.

ROGER: You have until Monday.

SUSAN: Beg your pardon?

ROGER: It’s Saturday, right? That should give you plenty of time. I want an update on the entire Walters family by Monday and if I don’t have it, you’re fired.

SUSAN: My firm is willing to do a lot and deal with a lot, but ultimatums like this are a bit beyond the pale even for us.

OLIVIA: (interrupting) We’ll get it done.

SUSAN: Olivia, dear…

OLIVIA: We’ll get it done.

ROGER: That’s what I like to hear.

[SFX: The door to the dealership shuts and the sound of rain again.]

SUSAN: What the hell happened there? You’ve been complaining for weeks about taking the case from that grade D piece of old beef and I finally say we’re done and you drag this along?

OLIVIA: We’re not done.

SUSAN: The checks have cleared dear and he gave us a way out. How the hell does that not look like done to you?

OLIVIA: We can crack this. I can crack this.

SUSAN: God damn it. He’s got you in his embrace.

OLIVIA: Roger? Ew.

SUSAN: (sighs) No, Señor Mystery. Holding you sensually as you swoon from his touch, like the cover of a romance novel. 

OLIVIA: Come on, Susan. I just need to see this through. I’ve put in so much work and I know we’re close—

SUSAN: Oh Olivia, dear, I know. I feel his seduction too. Damn it, fine! Take us both, my eternal lover!

OLIVIA: I’m taking that as a yes?

SUSAN: Yes, yes. Let’s keep going. 

OLIVIA: Great. So, we’ve gotta talk to the Walters family then.

SUSAN: That we do. I’ll take Darla. She’s an old acquaintance. I can also take the son-in-law Tom. I see him at the Greggmans hot bar during lunch most weekdays. Better to get him and Emily apart anyway… I know that Tom is a real loudmouth, and you won't get anything from the girl with him around.

OLIVIA: Fine, so that leaves me with her, the dad, and Lexi.

SUSAN: Bring me back some donuts, won’t you?

[MIDROLL AD BREAK]

[SFX: The bell to Lexi’s Donut Shop rings as Olivia enters the empty bakery]

OLIVIA: Hello? (to herself) What is with the people in this town leaving their stores empty. (projecting more) Anyone here?!

LEXI: (calling from a back room) Sorry we’re all out today! We usually run out of donuts around noon if you want to come by another day.

OLIVIA: You’re Lexi, right? I’m not here for donuts!

LEXI: (walking to where Olivia is) Did Hank send you? I told him we’re not planning to stock soda products since we’re never open late enough for that to make sense.

OLIVIA: (interrupting) Um, no… I’m actually a private investigator, well assistant private investigator to Susan Tubbles. Here, I have my card somewhere—

[SFX: Door rings from behind Olivia and Joe enters.]

JOE: Lex, I think I left my wall… (cuts off noticing Olivia, suddenly furious) You have got to be kidding me. I know who you are. You’re Roger’s little lap dog from the A of A!

OLIVIA: What? No! I just—I’m trying to get to the bottom of…

JOE: Not another word! Lexi and I already spoke to the authorities and we have no requirement or desire to speak another word to you. Unbelievable you’d show up here. My reputation in this town may have soured but I still have friends in government who will be hearing…

LEXI: Joe, honey, your temper.

JOE: I know, I know. You’re right my darling.

OLIVIA: I’m just hoping to speak to Lexi, and you too actually about what happened. I may be working for…

JOE: (with strained calm) For that classless, nobody, car salesman Roger Alito. Yeah, I’m aware.

OLIVIA: You know, I may be working for the A of A, but whatever your feelings about them I truly just want to solve this case.

JOE: I don’t see the difference between those two things.

OLIVIA: I… That’s fair, honestly. Can I ask though? I did hear you had an argument with Roger at the Donut Festival that got pretty heated. 

JOE: (holding back some anger) What?

OLIVIA: I know Roger and the A of A can be pretty nasty, but could you just tell me what caused you to threaten them?

JOE: Alright, that’s it. Get out of our store!

LEXI: Woah, woah woah woah, it’s my store, remember Joe?

JOE: (sighs) Right, sorry.

LEXI: Can you actually watch the shop for a minute? It was raining all morning and now that it cleared up, I think I’ll help see our friend here out to her car.

JOE: Lexi, as your partner and as a legal professional, I implore you not to say a word…

LEXI: I know my love, not a word. Not a dicky bird.

JOE: If you’re certain.

LEXI: It’s fine. I saved you a boston creme. It's in the walk-in.

JOE: You’re truly the light of my life.

LEXI: (chuckles) Don’t embarrass yourself in front of the assistant PI now.

JOE: She’s an embarrassment enough for both of us.

LEXI: That’s enough Joe.

JOE: (sighs) You’re right. I (beat) apologize.

OLIVIA: It’s fine. Honestly, I get it.

LEXI: Come on now, hon. Let’s leave this grump to his donut

JOE: (pleading gently for her to stay) Lexi…

LEXI: Joe, it’s fiiine. I’ll be back in 10.

[SFX: Door chimed again as it opens and shuts, following Olivia back outside with Lexi.]

OLIVIA: I’m actually parked right in front here.

LEXI: Oh, I know that. I saw you pull up. You smoke?

OLIVIA: Cigarettes? No, I don’t? 

LEXI: Mind coming around the side of the building with me? I have a couple nice milk crates we can sit on as you berate me with questions.

OLIVIA: (Quietly happy) Lead the way.

LEXI: Right over here. I’d say you could have your pick but I’m sitting on the blue one since it’s perfectly depressed to my butt. Honestly, I’d have said let's go for a walk but I’d rather not go past Pat’s Diner with the town Nancy Drew

OLIVIA: I spoke to like five people at a pancake breakfast two weeks ago. Word really traveled that much about me? 

LEXI: Olivia, I heard people gossiping at my shop about you shaking down Bill Thompson while the breakfast was still happening.

OLIVIA: Jesus, it was a tense conversation but I never thought it…

LEXI: Oh, don’t worry about it. Classic way too small town stuff. My friend Stacy went for a jog the other day and I kid you not by the next day I had three separate people ask me how her marathon training was going. Stacy hasn’t even run a 5K in over a decade.

OLIVIA: (chuckling, still a bit bothered but humoring Lexi) I guess people are pretty inventive when there’s not much going on.

LEXI: Yes, that they are. But yeah, that’s why I figured we could just avoid Pat’s. They’ve been spinning up enough shit about me as it is over at that church. No need to add more fuel to that fire. (laughing) That’s probably the wrong choice of words given what you came by to talk about, but you get my point.

OLIVIA: I certainly do. So why are you talking to me then?

LEXI: Why not?

OLIVIA: I… I mean your husband is right… There really is no benefit from a legal standpoint, and I’d imagine from what you just said the community at St. Pat’s isn’t exactly ki… Why am I trying to convince you not to talk to me?

LEXI: I don’t know hon, but keep going, you’re doing a great job so far.

OLIVIA: Come on, why are you sticking your neck out like this?

LEXI: You seem nice enough, I wanted to go for a smoke, and I didn’t do anything wrong, so I figured why not have some company?

OLIVIA: Seriously? 

LEXI: What?

OLIVIA: Nothing. I had been practicing all day to convince you to talk to me. I didn’t expect you to just… want to?

LEXI: What’s that expression about a gift horse? I love the man, but I can’t trust him alone in the shop all day. He’ll be eating the Boston crème by the spoonful if I’m gone too long, so best get to your questions.

OLIVIA: Fair enough. Let’s get to it. 

LEXI: Give me your worst.

OLIVIA: Why did you leave the stove unattended?

LEXI: Okay so, honestly, I’d never leave a kitchen alone with hot oil on it for more than a few seconds. Initially I’d even planned to just cook them outside and bring a camp burner, but then I found out about this state of the art kitchen the A of A had no business owning. 

OLIVIA: That nice?

LEXI: (wistfully remembering) Two walk-in freezers, a six burner gas range and oven with smart controls, an industrial fridge that can detect what food is inside, and a large professional stand mixer that had never even been used! 

OLIVIA: What a bizarre thing for them to just have.

LEXI: Bizarre’s a good word for that whole lot. Likely just built it because they could. Plus I’m pretty sure one of their members owns the appliance store off of I-90. Joe says this A of A chapter has a real “one for the charity and one for us” policy toward fundraising.

OLIVIA: That’s certainly been my experience so far.

LEXI: (chuckles) I can’t imagine what it’s gotta be like taking orders from that Roger. He was a real piece of work when he realized who the pastor had offered to let use their kitchen.

OLIVIA: What did he say to you?

LEXI: Mostly huffed and puffed like an old cow saying:

ROGER: (performative moral outrage) I just—I think it would be more than a bit inappropriate to have a business of such questionable moral standing supply donuts for this festival, let alone use our facilities.

LEXI: Luckily the old German priest who loves my donuts was there and told him:

KLEM: Roger, there is nothing more sacred and moral than a donut. The Lord wants her to use your kitchen, my son.

OLIVIA: That’s seriously what he said?

LEXI: I think it confused Roger more than anything, but it got him off his high horse and let me fry the donuts in his kitchen.

OLIVIA: So, you’re in this kitchen and what happens?

LEXI: We’d had a few people running trays of fresh donuts up to the concessions stand along with the donut competition. A few kids from the youth group and Joe helped too before he had to get in place to compete.

OLIVIA: Do you remember which kids?

LEXI: Eh, I don’t. I think one was a Tanna, maybe an Andrew?

OLIVIA: Interesting… Wait so what made you end up having to leave then?

LEXI: I’d been handing the trays off as soon as they were full, but suddenly nobody came. I think the kids got excited and sat down to watch the competition? 

OLIVIA: Still, odd they didn’t show up…

LEXI: I don’t know. I think it’s just teenagers being unreliable. Anyway I poked my head out, but the only person I saw around was Joe’s daughter, and trust me when I say I wasn’t about to ask her for a hand.

OLIVIA: Understood. So you ran them up yourself?

LEXI: I went back inside and checked the oil temp, 350 degrees. Perfectly safe. I even remember turning the heat on the burner down. I ran across the parking lot and placed them on the table and couldn't have been gone for more than like 60 seconds. I come back, the whole damn place is on fire.

OLIVIA: That makes no sense.

LEXI: You’re telling me, but then again I’ve been in the donut game long enough to know better than to mess around with oil. So, I’m just relieved nobody was hurt.

OLIVIA: It just doesn’t add up. 

LEXI: I thought the same thing. I tried to convince myself that maybe I messed up, but if I’m honest, I’m way too good in a kitchen to let something like that happen.

OLIVIA: Thank you, Lexi.

LEXI: For what?

OLIVIA: For talking to me.

LEXI: Oh please, honestly it’s nice to talk to somebody who isn’t here to judge me about the judge.

OLIVIA: It’s really been that bad?

LEXI: Yeah and then some. At least it isn’t impacting my business. People will say what they want, but the best donut in town is still the best donut in town. Half these folks may call me a home-wrecker behind my back, hell some people like Roger even said it right to my face, but I’m still out of everything but the jelly donuts by noon.

OLIVIA: Really?

LEXI: Yeah, people are incredible.

OLIVIA: Oh no, I just meant, why aren’t the jelly donuts flying off the shelves? They’re my favorite.

LEXI: Mine too! Come by a little earlier sometime and I’ll give you one on the house. 

OLIVIA: Sounds like a plan. Although at the risk of that donut, can I ask one more thing? It’s a little off topic and maybe a bit too blunt…

LEXI: Sure, I’m an open book.

OLIVIA: Is he worth it?

LEXI: Who? Joe?

OLIVIA: Yeah, I just mean, I don’t know… You have this whole business and reputation you’ve built for yourself. I can’t imagine it’s easy having that disrupted…

LEXI: That really is a blunt question.

OLIVIA: I know. I’m sorry. I just… I know what it’s like to have your life blow up a bit and I… empathize… I guess.

LEXI: Well I appreciate it, and no need to apologize. Um, I like you Olivia and maybe more so because you’re a bit of a prying, overly driven asshole. 

OLIVIA: (laughs) Thanks?

LEXI: Oh, I mean it as a compliment. I’m one too, and honestly, that’s probably a bit of why Joe and I get on so well. He’s a brash, arrogant, overly serious man, but ultimately we really relate to each other. Plus, we’ve been having fine enough conversations since we met when he was helping plan the donut festival a few years ago.

OLIVIA: Fine enough conversations?

LEXI: Maybe a little better than fine conversations.

[SFX: Both laugh.]

OLIVIA: That’s really worth it to you, though?

LEXI: Olivia dear, I’m a person who knows what she wants, and honestly that’s mostly centered around making the best donuts on the planet. So for me to love somebody that means it’s a person who gives me the space to be Lexi the donut lady 90% of the time and for the 10% of the time we’re together for it to be… well… nice. 

OLIVIA: That seems fair enough to me. I take it your time with Joe is nice then?

LEXI: Nice enough I didn’t kick him to the curb the day I found out he was married, if that tells you anything.

OLIVIA: I’d say so.

LEXI: It’s really been a great partnership. Don’t get me wrong. It isn’t all sunshine and roses. He’s handled his divorce and his relationship with his daughter like a real jackass, and I’m the only person he can confide in about it. Helping him talk through the guilt and anger can be a lot.

OLIVIA: Oof, I can relate to that more than you know.

LEXI: Really? Sounds like next time you come by I’ll be doing the investigating.

OLIVIA: It’s a date. 

LEXI: Ah, would you look at that? My cigarette is gone. Time to go rescue Joe.

OLIVIA: Thanks for talking Lexi. I really enjoyed it.

LEXI: Same to you, dear. But one last thing… um, have you talked to Emily yet?

OLIVIA: What? Oh no, I haven’t. I’m meeting up with her this afternoon, actually.

LEXI: Please be kind to her. Uh, Joe can be an overprotective ass, but he loves his daughter more than anything. From what he tells me there’s no reason for her to even be brought into this except some bullshit from over a decade ago.

OLIVIA: Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought to talk to her except Roger…

LEXI: Exactly, Roger. Just be kind to her… for me.

OLIVIA: Sure Lexi. Thanks again.

LEXI: (walking away) Bye now Olivia. Don’t forget to come by for the jelly donut.

OLIVIA: I’m definitely holding you to that!

[MUSIC: The Forgive Me! credits music begins to play.]

ADAM: Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. This episode was written and directed by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda.

Here’s our cast in order of appearance: 
Emily Elizabeth as Olivia
Mama Bang Bang as Susan
Adam Raymonda as Announcer
Bob Frame as Roger
Michael Antico as Brett
Jess Miller as Lexi
Michael Larkin as Joe

Script editing by Jordan Stillman.

Dialogue Editing by Bob Raymonda.

Sound design, score, and mixing by Adam Raymonda.

Additional background music from John Bartmann and Comy.

All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.

Season three of Forgive Me! Would not be the same without our Executive Producer Curtis Dibrell Jr.

Find out about we’re up to by following @forgivemeshow on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter

This season we’ve got a 13-episode Patreon-exclusive series called Confessions with Klem! Our Patrons will get a glance into the secrets of the St. Patrick’s community with everyone’s favorite witty nihilistic Priest.

This week’s episode we follow Father Klem as he pays a visit to the Flores family:

ENZO: I didn’t realize you made house calls, Father Klem.

FR. KLEM: Of course I do! It’s my duty to the people in my community. Back in my day pastoral care used to mean something, you know.

ENZO: I’m sure it has nothing to do with that new sweet shop around the corner.

FR. KLEM: Enzo, you wound me.

ENZO: Uhuh.

To get access to this Patreon-exclusive series as well as an ad-free version of our feed, become a supporting parishioner over at patreon.com/roguedialogue. That’s patreon.com/roguedialogue.

Are you enjoying season three? If so - follow it on your favorite podcast player. If you REALLY enjoy, it rate and review it on Podchaser or Apple Podcasts. 

That’s it for now! We’ll see you back here in two weeks for episode 10!